Ted Merely is a native Utahn who could pack

Ted Merely is a native Utahn who could pack a lot in 30 minutes

their marriage was over--the unpacking was, in this case, as metaphorical as the packing was literal. He turned to consider the racks of replica swords hung around the den, then

decided to leave them there. They were a symbol of the disfunction in their relationship. She often flung epithets that hurt like a real fake sword would. Instead, he grabbed

a hold of his balls with both hands (metaphorically) and explained to her in a well-reasoned and coherent fashion that this just wasn't working out. She responded by

biting off his earlobe. "Now that was uncalled for," he whined as blood dripped down his collar. She said "That's what you get for metaphorically touching your own balls, douche

. Your just a runner in the night". "You mean deuce." he said holding his bleeding ear. "Don't come with another of your metaphors, or I'll". "It's all revved up. You got that wron

.com, sister!" the radio hollered, followed by cheap sound effects and fake DJ laughter. "Iiiiit's time for our wacky fart of the day!" *boing* *toot* went the radio. "Ugh," I said

, disgusted but unable to turn it off. They had a caller on the line, who said he was 'born ready'. However, his fart sounded more and more like 'Flight of the Valkyries'. The host

got tired of all this huey and retired. The fast wasn't a fast at all because it was Valkrye! Those geeky Greeks were right after all.