Hooded figures stood in a circle, their voices

Hooded figures stood in a circle, their voices unified in ancient song. But for a ring of candles burning on the floor before a high altar, the room was black as night. Darkness ..

They intoned... "Happy Birthday to Youuuuu. Happy Birthday..." Acrid smoke emerged from the pentagram. The priestess arose "Come blow out the candles and make a wish."

"I wish I could wear a white robe just once" I said. The others gasped and stopped chanting as the priestess strode toward me. Backing away, I tripped over the pentagram candles

and burnt offerings. I hadn't meant for them to hear, but I 'was' tired of wearing black. What they couldn't see wouldn't hurt them, which is why I was glad they didn't see my red

rubber nose or my rainbow wig. The giant bicycle-horn shoes were difficult to conceal, too. I would have to come up with another plan if I wanted to sneak into the

White House state dinner, although the room was already full of clowns. My Queen Elizabeth costume might work better. Quickly, I donned the blue lace dress, curly grey wig & crown.

Little did I know that intrigue was afoot. On my way out from the bathroom I bumped into a woman wearing a similar dress. Not ten seconds later, I heard a gunshot and turned to see

What I can only describe as a burnt human matchstick. Blood gushed from her charred neck cavity and her once lively corpse plopped to the floor of the JCPenny. "Yikes", I said and

kicked her charred neck into the kitchen department. I knew this JCPenny was evil. That's why I brought a bolo.

Escape attempts were futile. The sales assistants jumped out from behind every display case armed with perfume sprays and gift wrapping. Horrifyingly I never left JCPenny.