"So I was minding me own business down the
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"So I was minding me own business down the pub, right, drinkin me pint of Foster's, watching the telly, when all of a sudden this big bloody beast of a man pushes me over and spill
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me beer all over my best mate and I. "Oye, you tosser! What's your bloody problem?!" He didn't waste words. A knuckle sandwich merged my lips with my teeth and I fell back into the
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fluffy pillows. I took off my stiletto heels, set down my Appletini and adjusted my assets. "Bring it on like DONKEY KONG!" I did a roundhouse to the head, crushing his larynx
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WOW! That was easier than I thought it would be. "Is that all you got?" I mocked the corpse, whose larynx I had just crushed. I heard the sound of the elevator door. I knew it was
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the security guard checking to see what the noises were about. So I pulled the corpse up and pretended to kiss passionately as the elevator door opened.
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but the corpse's hand dropped heavily on the floor and the security guard pulled out his gun and asked my name.
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I told him my name was Will Chohpyurhedov. He said, "What?" I said, "I'm Russian." I swung the red hot sword and it melted the security guard's head off his shoulders. Now I had tw
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o minutes to disable the machinery before it all blew to Timbuktu!. I swung in by a chain, threw the head into the clanking widget maker's cogs and with a WHUMP it imploded. A widg
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et had randomly flew out BING TING BONG, lodging in the crack of the conveyer belt SCREEEECH, causing the rest of the operation to come to a halt FSSSHHH. I heroically swung out of
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the window KERRASSSSHHH tinkly tinkle tinkl whhooooosssh THUD! My parachute was evidently defective. FLOOMPH! Flutter. I awaited the sirens. Wheeeoooowheeeooowheeeooo!
8
- Started
- 2011-11-25 15:49:50
- Finished
- 2013-05-05 13:49:26
14 Comments
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PurpleProf May 05 2013 @ 13:52
Haha...love the ending GB...
Zetawilk May 05 2013 @ 13:53
Next time we should try a whole story with the foley theme. :3 The opening narrator reminded me of Little Britain.
PurpleProf May 05 2013 @ 13:55
Actually, I love this entire story!!
alice58 May 05 2013 @ 14:54
Lovely to see the story finished!
Zetawilk May 05 2013 @ 15:03
I think we (or rather I) might almost be done with stories started in 2011! Although I'm not precisely sure how the "Oldest" stories section works. Is it oldest since the stories began, or oldest since those stories were last added to?
lucielucie May 05 2013 @ 19:27
I went to page 270 & this was the 2nd oldest story. I thought the 1st 2 lines sounded Australian?? Maybe it's just me.
lucielucie May 06 2013 @ 07:37
Come to think of it, it wasn't the 2nd oldest - it was just very old.
inatick May 06 2013 @ 13:13
It can't be Australian. Australian's don't actually drink Fosters.
lucielucie May 06 2013 @ 16:22
Looks like the secret's safe with DanMars & 49erFaithful.
49erFaithful May 06 2013 @ 17:13
'Fraid that particular bit 'o information's locked away in The Vault, mates.
lucielucie May 07 2013 @ 05:32
Shiver me timbers
ben May 09 2013 @ 20:28
GreenBanana, great question. On the Add and Read pages, "oldest" (and "newest") sorting is based on when each story was last folded. This can cause some of the oldest open stories (oldest based on start date) to end up in the middle of the pack. We plan to add a couple more options to allow for sorting by both oldest start date and oldest last-fold date.
Zetawilk May 09 2013 @ 20:41
Ah, interesting. :3 My personal preference is to add to stories which have been neglected for the longest amount of time.
m80 May 14 2013 @ 22:33
GB, it's so great that you do that. I think you are personally responsible for kickstarting a whole bunch of languishers that have finally made it to the finish line.