I'd received a coupon for a free checkup

I'd received a coupon for a free checkup down at the new clinic so I stopped by. "Any problems?" the Dr. asked. "Nope!" I said. "Well, let's do a full transfusion just to be safe."

"A full what?" the doctor was already strapping me to the bed. "You are a very lucky man! You are our first vict- patient! Ha! And to think only a week ago I was a mere

apprentice knife smith surgeon & now I will be creating the 1st swiss army knife human hybrid - a Victorinoxoid! Your hands will incorporate a screwdriver, bottleopener, can opener

and a toothpick. The Swiss army were so impressed with the new knife they decided not to carry guns anymore. It was unlikely another war would occur in Europe so it saved taxpayers

a few euros. Another really cool thing the new knife could do was liposuction. Fat-bottomed German girls lined up outside the Swiss Army headquarters not only to get their adipose

juggled but their glands toggled. The bottom-heavy German girls had also gotten into the beer and cheese. The Swiss Army men refused to answer the door. They laid on the ground

and played dead, but their lower members did not seem to want to co-operate. They merely stood there, pulsating as if in fear. Sweat was dripping off the top of their heads.

Their upper members, on the other hand, were more than co-operative. Overly cooperative. They were asking if there was anything else they could do for them, cup of tea maybe?

In reply, they chanted in unison: "Himalaya peaks! Himalayan tea! Himalayan lama fur!". (They were summoning something, that's what aristocrats do, it's an upper class thing.)