Fact: One in four house fires are caused

Fact: One in four house fires are caused by a drunk person trying to cook food. Also a fact: Mort had just fired up the stove and was about to add to the statistics.

You would think instructions on a Pizza "Please take contents out of box before cooking." might be obvious. But with a fifth of Jim Beam in the system, Mort had to call the VFD.

VF Dude had shaved his head & braided his nostril hairs around his nose ring.He licked left over anchovies from the ring as he rolled a VF Doobie.Mort's girlfriend Mona stared @VFD

with total unpasteurized resignation. She'd quit a long time ago and this was as good as it would ever get. VF Dude wafted his own smell into his nostrils and said to Mort's Girlfr

iend:'Whoah, killawiffah dude!' The moment she turned to him and got just a whif of his sent in her nose, she turned green and fainted. Mort looked upset and emitted his own stench

which in turn caused Wally to counter with a complete evacuation of his bowels. When the elevator doors opened

, revealing the Wally-topped pile of dead people with evacuated bowels, the office folk left them there and used the stairs instead. A new era of health and wellness began. Thanks,

Industrial-Strength Ex-Lax. Thank you for this pile of corpses and defecation. It's like viewing the programming list for Comedy Central. Once on the roof, the office folk gasped

in collective convoluted emotion.The sights, the sounds, the smells, the laughter and yes, the tears. But it was a day like any other day, right? Now 5 pm, they beat a path home.