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Once upon a time their lived monster who

  • Once upon a time their lived monster who

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  • was very lonely. He lived in Monster Valley, perhaps the least popular place for visitors; and so he did not get many visitors. Which was unfortunate, as he wanted desperately to

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  • have a pleasant conversation. But owning the only Gas Station in Monster Valley, dialogs were often limited to gutteral grunts and snarls. Then she walked in to order a Slim Jim,

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  • smiling at the hulking, many limbed creature manning the cash register. It did not appear to acknowledge her, merely flicking through a book entitled "Tentacle Rape - For Dummies".

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  • But enough of Newt Gingrich. He was at the Barne's & Noble's to attempt to turn California from a blue state to a red state. He put the disgusting book down and announced

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  • that he was going to explode violently and messily sometime in the next thirty seconds. As usual, we knew better than to take Mr. Gingrich seriously.

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  • Mr Gingrich's stand up routine at the Comedy and Calamity Club had been a huge success. Some nights he would have a total of 8 people come and see his show. The manager

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  • thought he needed to take it one higher, and convinced Newt to appear as Mr. Newton McGrinch for the Xmas show. Comedy & Calamity was preprogrammed when Robin Williams heckled

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  • the producers into letting him produce another one, so popular was it among the hipster demographic. Who knew Newt was such a hoot? The ratings for Comedy and Calamity soared and

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  • then fell like a dying swallow. He jumped the shark too early into a kind of Lynchian-Shyamalan metaphysical retrospective, and the high and mighty critics whined about it.

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