Things to do before I die: 1. See the Northern

Things to do before I die: 1. See the Northern Lights. 2. Go skydiving. 3. Visit Australia. 4. Win the lottery.

I completed my bucket list in one fell swoop by winning the lotto (I'm a white male) to buy a ticket from Nome to Australia. Then the plane engines sputtered & died. My parachute

ticket hadn't expired. The autostem would continue to palpitate the oxygen mucus until I could return the moon shoes. Ever since the Heatclipse dissolved all the

aspirin my banging headache returned. I went in search of moon berries on the dark side of the Moon. Without Sir Patrick Moore to guide me I got lost around a moon

dome. GPS doesn't work on the moon. It's easy to make a wrong turn and end up retracing your own footprints. I looked at the prints. "These belong to Madam Swift. She has the only

stiletto heels on the Moon. And these other prints were probably made by her boytoy Jethro Concubine, who has a contract with Destiny Shoes." I concealed my envy. The inv

erted nipple mountain was also destroyed by their careless shoe prints...all in the name of personal gain! The Moon would never be the same. I wanted a piece of the action.

"Houston, I want a piece of the action," I whispered, but I knew they could hear me. "5,000 acres of prime lunar real estate, or I blow it all to smithereens!"

Houston capitulated. My next mission was to Mercury piloting a probe named Messenger, but when I pulled the same stunt they just laughed so I crashed on the far side of the sun.