The Hipster businessman founded a Holy Smokes

The Hipster businessman founded a Holy Smokes Spirit Association to really cash in on all the

herbal hype and ironic-in-quotes faux smoking by the neighborhood hipsters. He also sold the little fedoras they so loved. Unsuspected by them, he added a "treat" to each hat.

He knew if they found out. The hats would suddenly go from a small hipster craze to a war between the fashion forward and the not-so stylish. He could never let them know.

He lit the match and dropped it, walking out of the fedora factory as it burned to the ground. Just another day's work for the elite fashion police anti-hipster squad.

Next, they'd torched the Urban Outfitter's headquarters located, oddly enough, in Paint Lick, Kentucky. Heidi Klum was his idol and so when he spotted her (sans Seal), he'd leaped

next to the cardboard cutout and started air-humping it with wild abandon, much to the delight of his fellow vandals. Yes, this was going to be a bad night for Corporate Capitalism

, but a good night for the cardboard cut out who'd never got so lucky. Next the vandals focused on bringing down capitalism by ditching their branded clothes. Now naked they jumped

around the McDonald's yodeling in the buff. "Let's eat sushi and not pay! Occupy Wallmart! Oraganize Anarchy!" They called themselves the Performance Art Nude Dadaist Association.

Approaching the burger vendor I said "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger today!" He said "No, that's impossible. But I have some day-old ceviche you can have for free."