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The Hipster businessman founded a Holy Smokes

  • The Hipster businessman founded a Holy Smokes Spirit Association to really cash in on all the

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  • herbal hype and ironic-in-quotes faux smoking by the neighborhood hipsters. He also sold the little fedoras they so loved. Unsuspected by them, he added a "treat" to each hat.

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  • He knew if they found out. The hats would suddenly go from a small hipster craze to a war between the fashion forward and the not-so stylish. He could never let them know.

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  • He lit the match and dropped it, walking out of the fedora factory as it burned to the ground. Just another day's work for the elite fashion police anti-hipster squad.

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  • Next, they'd torched the Urban Outfitter's headquarters located, oddly enough, in Paint Lick, Kentucky. Heidi Klum was his idol and so when he spotted her (sans Seal), he'd leaped

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  • next to the cardboard cutout and started air-humping it with wild abandon, much to the delight of his fellow vandals. Yes, this was going to be a bad night for Corporate Capitalism

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  • , but a good night for the cardboard cut out who'd never got so lucky. Next the vandals focused on bringing down capitalism by ditching their branded clothes. Now naked they jumped

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  • around the McDonald's yodeling in the buff. "Let's eat sushi and not pay! Occupy Wallmart! Oraganize Anarchy!" They called themselves the Performance Art Nude Dadaist Association.

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  • I left my house to aquire a hamburger but i didnt have any cash. I decided to go for a hamburger because sushi is very nasty. Nobody wants to eat raw fish wrapped in a rice cake.

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  • Approaching the burger vendor I said "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger today!" He said "No, that's impossible. But I have some day-old ceviche you can have for free."

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