I dropped the pillow on my bed and slammed

I dropped the pillow on my bed and slammed my head onto it. I seriously can't keep my eyes open any longer. The neurotoxin was getting to me faster than I thought.

"neurotoxin" is what I call reading. It never fails. Every time I start reading, I fall asleep. That's why I read nothing when I drive because if I do

I start swerving into the other lane and my wife totally freaks out. She screams and threatens to take away my

manhood, but how can I control bald tires on black ice? As the gets her fingernail clippers out, I feel my brow instantly cover itself in sweat. I don't want to jump out but I have

no choice. The innertube is stretched to it's limits with hydrogen gas. Just one stray fingernail clipping & it'd blow. Better to try my luck with the parachute under my seat cushi

gooshi woo. That's what I called it. It made me feel better in emergency situations, where my normal reaction would be to stick my thumb in my mouth and whimper.

But now I was ready to take on the world! Who would have thought that eating a pound of maple cured bacon would make me feel this way? I was strong, I was invincible, I was

able to lift the weight of four tuba players and a go-kart overhead with a single arm. I needed to put this strength to help fight for good! But first, I had to go buy a cape.

to the test. And guess what? It WORKED! The tuba players were free at last! We linked arms, my cape billowing behind me, and joyfully marched away to Sousa's "Deed I Has to Laugh."