I dropped the pillow on my bed and slammed

I dropped the pillow on my bed and slammed my head onto it. I seriously can't keep my eyes open any longer. The neurotoxin was getting to me faster than I thought.

"neurotoxin" is what I call reading. It never fails. Every time I start reading, I fall asleep. That's why I read nothing when I drive because if I do

I start swerving into the other lane and my wife totally freaks out. She screams and threatens to take away my

manhood, but how can I control bald tires on black ice? As the gets her fingernail clippers out, I feel my brow instantly cover itself in sweat. I don't want to jump out but I have

no choice. The innertube is stretched to it's limits with hydrogen gas. Just one stray fingernail clipping & it'd blow. Better to try my luck with the parachute under my seat cushi

gooshi woo. That's what I called it. It made me feel better in emergency situations, where my normal reaction would be to stick my thumb in my mouth and whimper.

But now I was ready to take on the world! Who would have thought that eating a pound of maple cured bacon would make me feel this way? I was strong, I was invincible, I was

Deciding on the cape was HARD. Length? Straight or tapered? Satin lined? So many options! Once caped, I went searching for tuba players trapped under a go-kart, to put my powers

to the test. And guess what? It WORKED! The tuba players were free at last! We linked arms, my cape billowing behind me, and joyfully marched away to Sousa's "Deed I Has to Laugh."