She meandered down the aisles, looking for

which was why she came here to Ladle Ville. But there were so many aisles, so many departments. All of the clerks pretended to be busy and walk past me. I stuck out my leg

and one mysteriously fell down and into a customer service nightmare. My wife bought a pair of tights and they didn't make my legs look good at all. And green. Really? Who makes

a man wear green leggings? This wasn't the first time my wife had seen me don tights . When I met her I was wearing spandex, and she was just another fine piece of strange

brew fandemonium. We were at a Rocky Horror-like screening of the greatest Canadian film of all time. I was dressed as Doug McKenzie and she was a ravishing Pam Elsinore. When the

movie ended, I suddenly realized we had been asked to be there for a reason. What I didn't expect was my date turning into a

pile of ashes. I should have expected it, since the theater had been on fire the whole time. But I didn't. Oh well. At least

I had a gift card, so I would be able to buy another one. Come to think of it, didn't they sell them at that weird store down the street from the burnt-out theatre?

Yeah, in fact, I think they do. I scampered off to the store. When I arrived it was 4 minutes until closing time--I was sure cutting it close today. I ran to the clerk and asked, "

Do you have Prince Albert in your can?" And she replied, "Not yet..."