When I came back from Dublin, ...

When I came back from Dublin, ...

I lost my bearings and thought I was in New York. The doctor told me

try to stay calm and eat enough carrots

. The civil defense guide for preventing fallout was quite direct. "Get plenty of excercise, drink lots of fluids, and avoid mutants." Other advice: "White paint repels radiation,

preparation so when the tsunami hit, I found myself swept away. Luckily, I was able to cling to the top of a tall tree. I had to remain there until the waters receeded. By then,

I was pretty sure I had already died of starvation. But, as my privates tingled from looking at my stash of playboys, I could tell I was still very much alive. I jumped down and

tapped my foot like an intoxicated rabbit and started sawing on the fiddle somethin' fierce and screamed, "Promenade!" Then my parents came in for a nudie mag ho-down, Papa

and Mama wearing what God gave them danced the family jig, passed down from generations of inbred cousins. Tennessee is the gre

-garious can-canning capital of the world. Beyond that tidbit, the pamphlet on the whole didn't impress me much. I asked my travel agent to book me a flight to Jamaica instead.