When I came back from Dublin, ...

When I came back from Dublin, ...

I lost my bearings and thought I was in New York. The doctor told me

try to stay calm and eat enough carrots

. The civil defense guide for preventing fallout was quite direct. "Get plenty of excercise, drink lots of fluids, and avoid mutants." Other advice: "White paint repels radiation,

but attracts mutants. Use strategically and adapt this advice to the current situation. Only you can prevent the apocalypse." But the guide didn't have any advice regarding tsunami

preparation so when the tsunami hit, I found myself swept away. Luckily, I was able to cling to the top of a tall tree. I had to remain there until the waters receeded. By then,

I was pretty sure I had already died of starvation. But, as my privates tingled from looking at my stash of playboys, I could tell I was still very much alive. I jumped down and

and Mama wearing what God gave them danced the family jig, passed down from generations of inbred cousins. Tennessee is the gre

-garious can-canning capital of the world. Beyond that tidbit, the pamphlet on the whole didn't impress me much. I asked my travel agent to book me a flight to Jamaica instead.