So yeah, I once new this guy from Nantucket,

  • So yeah, I once new this guy from Nantucket, y'know? And he was all

  • Dude, my wankers a tanker. And I'm all, No way. And he's like, way. And so I'm like prove it. So like this guy from Nantucket unpacks his snack, and I'm all bug-eyed cause

  • like most Nutmeggers he's got a shitload of doobies, reefer, spleefs & bongs in his duffel. "Did you bring ANY survival equipment, you stank pothead!?" I yelled at him. "Lol no,"

  • he cackled. "I brought some cupcakes, though." I forgave him. We unpacked our gear and set up camp for the night, nibbling on our cupcakes and reminiscing about Wanda and how we'd

  • both somehow fallen in love with the same old widow. It was to be expected, of course, since we both were, at the time, precocious well-read kids. The sort of boy grown women will

  • mock for having no ability to grow facial hair.

  • He went home that night and 1-Click-Ordered the Grow-A-Chia-Pet-On-Your-Own-Face-Kit with 2-Day-Super-Saver-Shipping. Unfortunately he forgot to perform an allergy patch test and

  • grew not a luxorious Chia-beard on his bad face, but instead a great blossom of angry skin that spread from his face, down his neck and stopped just short of his nethers. Dejected

  • and completely humbled by the experience, he refused to show his bewildering condition to a doctor, instead trusting to the advice of a quack. "Cut the hair." was the advice and

  • he cut it.He cut the f#%&ing hair off,and that was it...Weeks later,he got a call.He answered and there was no response.He hung up.In the back of his head he knew:it was the hair!



  1. SlimWhitman Nov 03 2012 @ 17:55

    It said "Ch-ch-ch-chia!"

  2. KieferSkunk Nov 04 2012 @ 19:22

    I totally want to go back and fix the glaring typo in my opener. Can I, pleeeeeeze? :)

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