So yeah, I once new this guy from Nantucket,

So yeah, I once new this guy from Nantucket, y'know? And he was all

Dude, my wankers a tanker. And I'm all, No way. And he's like, way. And so I'm like prove it. So like this guy from Nantucket unpacks his snack, and I'm all bug-eyed cause

he cackled. "I brought some cupcakes, though." I forgave him. We unpacked our gear and set up camp for the night, nibbling on our cupcakes and reminiscing about Wanda and how we'd

both somehow fallen in love with the same old widow. It was to be expected, of course, since we both were, at the time, precocious well-read kids. The sort of boy grown women will

mock for having no ability to grow facial hair.

He went home that night and 1-Click-Ordered the Grow-A-Chia-Pet-On-Your-Own-Face-Kit with 2-Day-Super-Saver-Shipping. Unfortunately he forgot to perform an allergy patch test and

grew not a luxorious Chia-beard on his bad face, but instead a great blossom of angry skin that spread from his face, down his neck and stopped just short of his nethers. Dejected

and completely humbled by the experience, he refused to show his bewildering condition to a doctor, instead trusting to the advice of a quack. "Cut the hair." was the advice and

he cut it.He cut the f#%&ing hair off,and that was it...Weeks later,he got a call.He answered and there was no response.He hung up.In the back of his head he knew:it was the hair!