There was just nothing in the world better

There was just nothing in the world better than a pair of orange tap shoes. Unless it was neon-green toenail polish. Either way, he was pretty sure

Sarge wouldn't approve of his makeover. "Johnson, what did I say about toenail polish?" "Sir, camouflage only, sir!" said Rear Admiral Johnson. "But sir, what about fingernails?"

Sarge walked right up to Johnson and screamed in his face. "You maggot! You filthy worm. You disgust me. you call those cuticles?!?!?!?"

have gone to the hospital immediately to get those burns treated, but Johnson was nothing if not kinda stupid in a loveable, if irritating, way. You know what I mean.

Like the kind of person you think fondly of but when you see them you're like 'oh, look at the time, bye!' Johnson's burns were looking really bad until Johnson's brother, Johnson

Johnson showed up. Man, this dude was ug-leee, but just as adorable as his brother. Johnson Johnson's face looked like it'd been ironed and starched, like a shirt. He had no lips

but still managed to create the most horrifying screeches ever produced from a human being. Onlookers stopped in their tracks, stunned at hearing such terrifying sounds.

Even though the sounds were terrifying, what they were about to see was truly frightening. "That has got to be the worst case of hemorrhoids ever known to mankind" said Dr.

Doom. In a related development Nurse Nasty had finally located the ward with Dr Doom but had somehow lost the patient because the hospital map had been hung upside down.