*CRASH* If he's told her once, he's told

*CRASH* If he's told her once, he's told her a hundred times not to place wine glasses close to the alarm clock. However

that repeated warning did not prevent him from starting his day with a face splattered with

mud. And not the good mud either. I was sure I was going to Hell for this one. Amber knew I was a tad odd, but if she only knew. I mean, c'mon I had started today with a mullet

and by noon I was rocking a MulHawk. I had never seen one before, so I decided that before I hit the mall, my flowing locks needed a tune up. By the time I hit the food court

I was really craving some cinnabon. That's when I saw her

scrape dog dirt off of her high heel with a fast food coffee cup. But what really made me freak out was when she took a bite of

an egg sandwich I had thrown out three days ago. What can I say, she had an iron stomach and buns of steel. Beneath her rough exterior was an even rougher interior. I once saw her

lift a car above her head and throw it at a miget who insulted her bulging muscles! Yeah, she was strong and sexy but had a nasty temper. I decided to give her

steak and headed for the exit while the waiters rallied aroudn the head waiter and prepared to charge. Man, steakhouses are intense.