Finished Folds (2681—2700)

• 3
  the security guard tapped him on the chest with his nightstick and shook his head. Damn! He grabbed a trash can lid to try to cover his exposed wedding tackle and looked up into

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  2011-09-15 04:39:59

• 2
  during the last Boy Scout overnight campout we only had 3 ounces of mushrooms and a 5 gallon cooler full of jungle juice. It was the boringest 36 hours of my life. I pulled into

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  2011-09-15 04:36:14

• 4
  ears, making it impossible to hear anything else. Don't Fear the Reaper came on and I got into it. "Awwwww make that cowbell talk son! Ring a ding, DING DING DING!!" My bodyspeaker

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  2011-09-13 23:51:37

• 3
  arousing the attention of an off-duty police officer heading home. The officer rolled down his window and said "Excuse me sir, but do you realize

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  2011-09-13 23:41:27

• 6
  spliff you've ever seen. It had this sweet crutch on it so that even tho it was the size of a burrito dos manos, the precious herb inside still wouldn't spill out or get bound up

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  2011-09-13 23:38:05

• 5
  my own bacon in the next room. Maybe that's why there's constantly outbreaks of salmonella and E. coli poisoning in the department every time I make by famous BLTs! Energized that

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  2011-09-13 23:25:11

• 1
  Redenbacher's punch packed an uncommon pop. Ominous jumped rope, ran stairs, chased chickens, beat up punching bags and people holding punching bags. Still, Orville was favored by

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  2011-09-13 23:06:59

• 4
  and final time. I deleted the Sims software from my hard drive, rebooted, and walked outside. Huh... Everything looked pixellated and people were moving all jerky. I waved at my ne

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  2011-09-13 23:02:29

• 2
  An alliteratively-named celebrity was having violent sex one day after consuming mass quantities of food and drugs. Many animals

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  2011-09-13 22:49:21

• 3
  of epic proportions. This particular revolution, class, was so manifestly contagious that before Parliament could counter, do you know what happened?" I raised my hand. "That's

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  2011-09-13 21:57:45

• 4
  Red Lobster's live tank. The offer was not accepted and I was forcefully invited to never, ever return again.

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  2011-09-13 21:47:51

• 3
  "And listen up Assho...urgph" I watched with unabashed enjoyment as a bar of Dial was duct-taped in her mouth. She was strung upside down with a sign reading "I'm learning a lesson

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  2011-09-13 04:13:48

• 3
  we'd need an even callouser prick, like Simon Cowell or Judge Judy. As luck would have it, both were presently in the courtroom. I instructed Judy to grab the head; Simon got the

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  2011-09-13 04:00:01

• 8
  generate enough thrust to satisfactorily penetrate the orbit in question?!" She was, and I knew it. She said "The proof is in the puddin, sugar. I heard about that little misfire

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  2011-09-12 23:37:21

• 3
  Just then the phone rang. I turned down "I Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Getting Better" which was blaring from the radio, and picked up. The caller asked for Amanda Huggenkiss. I yell

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  2011-09-12 21:59:09

• 5
  who came in and promptly laid a golden egg. Aesop rolled his eyes and when a gander walked in, he said "Whoa whoa whoa, I've heard this one before too! NEXT!" Timidly, a small deer

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  2011-09-12 21:13:14

• 6
  the Snapple I was sure I had buried somewhere in the Park during a typical peyote-induced haze. I remembered a Joshua Tree that looked like a man so I took a sharp left and hit

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  2011-09-12 20:14:49

• 4
  mooning each other in suspect locations, swirlies, wedgies, Indian burns, and wet Willies. What really took the prankster honeymooners to the next level was when the new husband

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  2011-09-12 20:08:48

• 4
  a big clubber but I always thought that was cause of his nightlife. So as he was raining blows upon me with his detached peg leg I must have sustained a serious concussion because

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  2011-09-11 05:04:51

• 5
  little lettuce muncher would be taken care of easily enough. "Guards! Seize her!" Four knights in armor stepped forward to detain the woman but she was lithe and too quick for them

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  2011-09-11 04:44:48