Finished Folds (2881—2900)
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8with an ass-whooping seldom seen before or since. When the sated beast within went willingly back in it's cage, my vision cleared and I saw what was left of the life coach laying
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3My blind date looked like Tom Petty after a particularly hard bender. Red eyes, hair all scraggly. Breasts full, not firm. I kinda smiled, sat down, and said "Hey, I'm Bill." She
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5Whoouh. I pushed back from the delivery Chinese-splattered table, grabbed a fortune cookie and limped to the couch, spent. Cracking the cookie, I pushed some shards in my mouth and
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9"C'mon Rook" I said to the newest recruit. He looked shellshocked and pale but followed me into the darkened warehouse. An overhead light swung ominously back and forth. I felt
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5I wouldn't have shivved Mr. Smiley the jailhouse art instructor last week when he suggested I tap into my feminine side for the still life with charcoal pencil assignment. Now that
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6-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse." Stan sighed heavily. Without thinking, he popped another pill in his mouth and dry swallowed it. 10 minutes later he was asleep with
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1laid by so many, with such little effort. All they had to do was play the right song, give a little wink, and retire to the trailer to make whoopie 'til the sun came up. After Reno
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1with a small but very enthusiastic following of supporters for the upcoming pageant. My boyfriend is being a real dick about it but the guy down at Jabba Juice seems to think I can
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7in the southwest corner of Central Park. Quite nice actually. They'd dined on castoff hotdog buns and squab tartar, which is an acquired taste, to be sure. The fake orphan grew to
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5the blood of an Englishman. "I'm Welsh!" I screamed. But the 3 french hens were on me. They were like Hitchcock's birds, only worse. If it wasn't for 4 calling birds floating down
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4So I grabbed the punk elf, got him in a headlock and said "You're way outta pocket now you pint-sized midget!" I threw him up against the base of the Gumdrop Mountains. But then 4
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4with my Sportsman on dub so I headed for the nearest Temple. I played the fowl prophesy for the chazzan at the door but he took me for a fool. I had to make him understand: the fat
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6began pole-dancing in the rec room. Colonel Mustard tipper her a 5, poured himself three fingers of Glenlivet and began pressing cartridges into the revolver. The next roll was a 9
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2egg bowl and said "Oh, are you finished? Well then, allow me to retort." And then he calmly poured raw scrambled eggs all over her head. She shot up out of the chair and sputtered
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6poetic about the concrete jungle while Scarn argued with B'Chug about their predicament. "Maybe if we get Manatee to tickle the hippo's gag reflex?" Big Lion hit the blunt and
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3and tried to ransom him back to his people. Something must have gotten shifted in the dialect I used because instead of 1000 bajillion yen, I got two dozen yak eggs that looked
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2I was finally on my way outta the joint after the bum Grand Theft Auto rap that got pinned on me. My cousin Tony had come up on a Caddy and when he got pinched by the fuzz he put
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6It's actually easiest to just start at the end of this story. Here I sat, celebrated war hero, Lt. Commander John Dykeson, about to take my own life. It had been a mostly good life
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4jury rig a jumping jack contraption but after juxtaposing my geriatric frame into the jumper I realized that I'd jostled loose a gelatinous Jujube that had just barely been holding
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5Johnny was in the diner basement mixing up some medicine when a man in a coonskin cap in a pig pen asked for 11 dollar bills. But he only had 10. So he asked him: How does it feel?