Finished Folds (2961—2980)
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4I was at the bar again and I'd had a few. I thought I said/meant to say: Hey, I'm Paul. You're pretty. Would you care to join me for a drink this evening? But what I actually said
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1yelled in his best John Wayne voice "Why I outta lick your posse!" He didn't seem to hear what he said but me and my friends burst out laughing and his Amish mother
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3irresistible. She'd get the cutest little iced tea foam mustache on her actual mustache and l liked to lick it off in between gulps. My friend never forgave me after his mom and I
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2So I did. Right in the balls. He never...ever...said that again.
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6that the wall really wouldn't be complete without a Cougar head. Tony had a .22 rifle and Cornelius had 5 beers left out of a Pabst 30 pack so they put on some camo and headed off
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35-oh when she couldn't make it over the fence. We visited her in jail and man, was she pissed. I'd have been if I was her too. We were still on a high after being called gangsta
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2growled that he was free right now - whyn't they head out behind the woodshed and engage in lively bout of consensual bear fornication. Gina Bear wasn't sure if he was kidding but
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2could burn the cupcakes that Arnold needs for badminton practice." I looked at Betty expectantly. Betty looked at me blankly. She nodded and smiled but I could tell that she didn't
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2growing stronger and stronger strains of medicinal marijuana. 4 out of 5 trolls paralyzed by pigeon ingestion report that they couldn't care less after toking a J of
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2sharpening the rose razors and I was great at it. At first. But lately I'd grown weary of all the rose razor whetting and filing. The honing. The grinding. It was
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6This was it. I walked right into my hot boss's office, closed the door, and said "I need a rise and I need it now". She looked up, stole a quick glance at my crotch, and
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7Yo that infamous woods poet is back in your earhole. I serve game in forested areas with lyrics like 'yo squirrel, suck on deez nuts!' and 'c'mere bunny rabbit, take a nibble
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3though he didn't applaud outwardly, he gave a knowing nod to the meter maid murderer as if to say thanks for doing what everyone else wanted but didn't have the stones to do. In 10
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4boringocity and depressiveness of it all. Jimmy went back inside and decided to jimmy some more stuff, as per his usual M.O. First he jimmied the drawer open and then he jimmied
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7tits up in some Louisiana swampwater. 'GatorGrub' as the locals so colorfully refer to the dearly departed. He pumped gas for most of his adult life and spent the weekends
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8new Glad Press n Seal wrap! It's far superior to other leading wraps when encasing your own body in plastic." And he gave me a knowing wink as he used the box cutter to free me.
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6I mashed past Inglewood, little kids swarming behind in the exhaust of my retrofitted Chevy small block. The fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror always
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6why fish never seemed to blink. Sure they live in water, but what if a chunk of sand gets stuck? Absentmindedly, he withdrew his hunting knife and began
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6so he gave him a buxom blonde wife with a penchant for overspending, and a zany neighbor that always stopped by with some hair-brained scheme to get rich. One day, Jason's fish
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4my parole agent's bullshit Horse Latin logic. I could just head south of the border and become the Mexican Donald Trump. With 17 dollars in my pocket and a bag filled with