Finished Folds (661—680)
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5Sawyer BeDoyer looked up and noticed they were standing under the mistletoe. An uncomfortable silence ensued. St. Nick cleared his throat. "So, uh, counselor, where are we on the
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1"Imp, who do we have on our wait list?" The imp unfurled a long scroll. "Yes Satan, we have Kim Jong-Il, Muammar Gaddafi, Osama bin Laden, and Nate Dogg." "Nate Dogg? Who's that?"
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4have it within you to forgive me?! How was I to know that lettuces were sentient?! Let me live!" She shook her head back and forth and gestured at my compost pile. It was littered
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3Jaden had a unique mutation that allowed him to transmit the electric energy generated inside his body into an external source simply by touching it. He could power up a battery ju
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2The clerk just laughed when I came back in the store. "Told yo!" he gloated. "Yeah, well, I thought it was three-fourths but it was really six-eights." Wait a minute. That's when I
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5Everyone has their million dollar idea, just most people don't act on it. Mine was different flavors of floss. You know, cherry, orange, chocolate soufflé. I got the idea when I wa
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4fireax off the wall. I began smashing zombie skulls and didn't stop until the bar was cleared of them. Panting, I leaned back against the bar. "Ahh, now where's the Grey Goose?"
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2I began to realize that I couldn't look away. Then the boy in the photo smiled at me, waved, and walked off into the snow. I tried to frown but I was frozen, captured in a reverse
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3was used to some pretty cynical responses when he toured the local watering holes offering free foot ailment diagnoses. But to his credit, he walked right up to the old man and
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1homosexual encounter. The experience hadn't been for him but he wasn't one to leave things to chance. 'Try everything once' was his motto. Austin didn't recognize him though
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3found a hand already there. Her eyes followed the hand up past a stylish suit to the most stunning face she'd ever seen. A living, breathing Greek God of a man stood smiling at her
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4Should sex be used as a reward (do this and I'll do that)? A threat (do this or I'll do that)? An identity (be a man)? A fill-in-the-blank bubble (M, F, Other)? Should marital sex
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3I had. It was moist and delicious. I didn't regret it. I said "The consumer of the ding dong is irrelevant to these proceedings. In point of fact, harboring an Atelerix albiventris
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5Are you embarrassed by your chronic affluence? Ever been trapped in a crowded elevator with your own affluence? Are you excluded from social groups due to audible affluence? Then
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5Having found two quarters and a nickel back in '07, I could never break the habit of checking the coin return on pay phones. I pushed the door open with my index finger and felt
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4. We needed to reverse this path or suffer permanent olfactory damage. I started singing a song about a field of blooming wildflowers and the air became subtly sweeter. I painted a
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5"Now now, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" I didn't know quite what that meant, but with a yell of "Left hand! Red!" I succumbed; terminally twisted.
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9ply him with Irish car bombs and Sex on the beach until he was loose enough to take a full shot of bioluminescent phytoplankton. Slipowski pounded it, then stumbled out the trailer
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7shape up, shave bush, and drop trou. Roseanne became the hottest slab of meat on the dancing stage at Larry's Villa. Wouldn't Tom be crazy when he found out! Insanely jealous, no d
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5were celebrating an unusually large take-home from their latest debacle. You see, Charles had convinced the VP of Westchestshire Unlimited that sequins were back 'in'. Drinks had