Finished Folds (401—420)
-
4He was dragged before the heavenly tribunal with pie slice in 1 hand & slopping cup of joe in the other.The celestial magistrate intoned:I'M STARVED! We're hitting that diner. NOW.
-
2Anonymous, a support group for individuals who obsessively need to say the opposite. "Isn't the weather pleasant?" asked Jen. "It sucks," replied Sal. "It exhales!" insisted Alex.
-
2ed into the Chief's open mouth & blocked his windpipe.Smart chose that moment to activate the Cone of Silence:"It's finally working! Can't hear a word you're saying, Chief." "Arghh
-
3stare at the wide open fly of my boxers. Next I knew, I was handed a sceptre & a crown was placed on my head. "Long live the new ruler of Weiner King!" the workers chanted in awe.
-
4shop lifting! The nerve! Now a rent-a-cop removes & upends my raincoat whose many pockets rain all kinds of merch. "I didn't buy the coat...it's still yours! YOU'RE the thieves!" I
-
4It began with the murder-mystery party host, plump Lord Threebutts, dying upon imbibing his drink which obviously was poisoned. The guests just had to know: was his name justified?
-
3tually, Joe ran out of flypaper. Billions of pissed-off bereaved flies seeking vengeance needed no 2nd invite. His head in the aquarium & feet on the BBQ, Joe died in fire & water.
-
11quest for self discovery. After some deep soul searching, she knew what she had to do. "I wish to take my vows!" she had told the convent's prioress, the one she saved for last...
-
4son, who was born in the driveway beside the front passenger door, & inherited his dad's forgetfulness. He's a scientist, & was in charge of testing the Challenger's O-ring seals.
-
7history when his performance brought the judges on "Sailors Got Talent" to tears.Had his frenetic stompings not made holes below decks & sank the ship...you got lucky, Baryshnikov!
-
6chocolate fudge cheese crust pie with applesauce & frog eyes toppings (they were too into each other to notice), & held hands as they lay side by side having their stomachs pumped.
-
5was spared, because it was Samsonite. It was then she realized the value of brand names. "Leave the nice bailiff's body parts alone," she cooed to her babies "Only Purina for you!"
-
4doorstep. I felt a surge of warmth...he was marking ME as his turf! "Oh, Darling..." I hugged him, ignoring the pee drizzling on my stockings. "You stupid cow!" he sputtered "I was
-
3! But the limericking ninja's anticipation was thwarted: "...who obsessed over her ANGINA," continued the leprechaun -the ninja groaned in disappointment- "...while neglecting her
-
4took the next flight to Colombia. On the plane he morphed completely & the crew wondered how the monkey in 27A got there. They figured he was an extra from Planet of the Apes film,
-
5Her mouth opened to kiss him, & he marveled at how easy French kissing her was, not hearing her teeth hit the floor. He felt they were made for each other- & they WERE... sort of.
-
4And his wife was faring no better in the Magimix, where she became ketchup, then was poured into a huge Heinz bottle. & were those wieners his kids? Familial compatibility at last!
-
1it was no coincidence vodka, caviar and borscht were all on Leo's list of favorite things.The Russian gulped & pictured himself INSIDE the lion."Look, Leo, I'll take you out to eat
-
2her hot Ferrari, Joe, were married in Vegas by a minister & a mechanic.She returned to me months later in tears & obviously pregnant:"Help- I'm carrying a Porsche! Joe'll kill me!"
-
4sitcom.The show's canned laughter & my own guffaws contrasted weirdly with the frantic wheezings of my expiring pet monkeys, fighting for each breath in their oak barrel prison.But