Finished Folds (21—40)
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3the world: "My fellow Americans," I said into the mic, my voice resonating with pathos "the long wait is over. My constipation has officially ended!" The news hit the nation like a
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3Glock & fired 3 carefully spaced shots through the door. Trembling, she opened it to find the DoorDash guy, a shortish dude, mortally wounded. To her relief, the pizza was face up!
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4which perhaps explains the absence of appetite and chronic vomiting that characterized mealtime. "How do you stay so skinny?" people would ask. "Skating," he'd answer honestly.
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3The performance attendees were horrified at the brown sludge seeping from under the violinist, who, mortified, cried:"I thought it was just a fart!" The soloist echoed:"He thought
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4ly. My instincts were honed by my Homeland Security training, but my hearing wasn't stellar: "You say he was at the heart of the 9/11 attack?!" "No, I.." Angrily, I wrestled him to
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3. I recoiled in horror: "Trying to give me Covid?! Take me to your leader." I was escorted to the Daily Llama, who was rattling off headlines: "Biden Threatens to Ban Fortune Cooki
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4pharmaceutical commercials & their endless warnings. "What's the point of taking a drug that cures bunions if it's almost certain to give you tuberculosis?!" they railed. The Sun
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3suck the blood seeping from my arm. Blinded by sunlight, she began to open her lips just as an outhouse pipe burst & emptied its unsavory load into her. (Countess Chocula, Origins)
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3The poor clown urgently tried to signal by pointing at his missing head, but the crowd was too committed to notice anything was wrong. How he longed to shake his head in disbelief!
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9& barked excitedly at the geyser cascading out of the lady's mouth. She tried to squeeze her lips shut, but the spit pressure created a steady outpour of Niagara proportions. Then
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6" The phone rang & the operator eagerly answered: "Bunglia Records, can I take your order?" "How can we call if you didn't leave a #?" "You're right, Sir, & you're creeping me out!
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4Dr. Calamari put Vegan under deep hypnosis & returned her to childhood to trace the source. Turns out her psychosis began hen she witnessed her dad eating a live, hairy, squirming
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7He held out a bandage-swathed appendage:"Put it there, son." "No! You're old & you stink!" Mom was shocked, but I wasn't gonna star in "Eddie Has Two Mummies". "Mom, either he goes
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2Mr. Peanut exulted, "I'm reborn!" He gasped as his shell rose from the pile of dead & performed a back somersault. Sadly, his top hat fell mid-flight & his hold on the trapeze bar
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4Meanwhile, the taco truck continued its journey, leaving behind it a wake of gastrointestinal devastation. Its owner got smart & hitched a porta-potty truck to it, charging $5 a cr
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2s firing away. The odor almost choked Elon, but the portal opened once more & Gram crossed into the world of the living. "Gramp was cheating on me!" she gasped, grabbing a shotgun
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6That's how I met your mom. You see, kids, my dog's charred bum made for the choicest rump steak ever. Me & the vet had it on our first date..& every anniversary since. Now tuck in!
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3. Even using a bullhorn, the police negotiator could barely be heard: "Sir, for not jumping I am authorized to offer you- A. a 2-for-the-price-of-1 vacation, B. a year's supply of
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3At dinner, Captain Walton turned to us:"Which of my illustrious passengers am I privileged to be dining with?" I coughed:"Actually, we're a pair of hobos you weirdly invited on-boa
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13stamps. The invitations were sent out & dog connoisseurs from the neighborhood arrived & fastened napkins to their necks. They all attributed Salazar's deliciousness to the sauce.