Finished Folds (141—160)
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2did I mention waking up in the ER with my stomach contents lying neatly next to me in a see-thru bag? Wait, is that a sardine swimming around inside? What WAS in that blamed juice?
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2umes, Inc., "The Stench Removal Pros". Dr. Fumes' team arrived, & solemnly sniffed my sofa. "To rid this odor, we need to fight fire with fire!" To my dismay, they sat down & began
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6the dandruff out of it. "Have you tried beard shampoo?" asked Mick's wife innocently. He growled, & huge flakes rolled from his insanely unkempt fuzz. His wife realized it was time
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5They undressed silently, eagerly seeking out each other's bodies. Uh oh, the restaurant's lights came back on, & all the tables appeared to be occupied by close friends. "SURPRISE!
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3boobs. "Certainly, Madam," the concierge assured her, & sent the in-house plastic surgeon to her room. Her rack protruding 6 inches longer, Madelyn felt confident enough to attend
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7me, unaware I was hearing every word. "<sniff>Poor bastard. Doc says he might never wake up." "Yeah. He'd WANT us to pull the plug." Whoa! I tried to talk but could only wriggle my
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3. But Pringles xtra hot was a bad move- a canister with picture of something exploding!? Years of training kicked in, Sam drew his uzi. Yipee ki yay! was the last thing they heard.
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3undies, having crapped himself upon getting the news. No longer aromatic, Jason burst into his boss's office, demanding an explanation. "How about the fact that you bankrupted the
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7corrected in a snooty tone, "did you think the U.S. nuclear missile program would be commissioned to a mere layman?" We assured the professor we were satisfied with his credentials
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4it struck Larry on the head. He staggered & keeled over. "The King is dead!" screamed the filming crew. Trump, watching the show, panicked:"What country has a King Larry? Oh, wait,
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3Later on I got the news: Zombie #534 had indeed been fired! I rushed over to his former manager to thank him for the move. But when he took a bite out of my neck, I regretted havi
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2My dog obliged & added more not-fudge-drizzle to my sundae. I once again marveled at the things my pregnancy made me crave for! My dog yipped proudly as her produce got gobbled up.
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2shirt front, & realized it wasn't a prank; the idiot HAD found a wormhole stretching from his house to the 911 center! I tugged on his hand & the rest of him plopped into the room
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4shutting down if you drove your car towards a drug den, whorehouse, or casino. Morality engine HG 12.1 also won't start if you're wearing a fur coat or eating a non vegan sandwich.
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5d, unless you count the monstrosity on her neck. Details leaked out; her beau got cured of his blindness, took one look at her & lost his speech. Devastated, she tried to beautify
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4nd they fell from their sockets:"Shdop dockin zho mush & buy me dring." So he took her to a bar that served to zombies & ordered a human arm martini. "Gotta check my traps," the ba
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4side to discover their secret ingredient. I gasped at the sight of all those dog butts suspended over meat grinders & freed their yelping owners who bounded out to take revenge.
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2for a vital meet with the Joint Chiefs of Staff."Mr. President!!" I pried my eyes open at 9 a.m. to see an aide's scared face. "In your absence, they declared war on Russia!" SOBs!
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7hugged by everyone in the courtroom including the stenographer & janitor. Seizing the moment, she whipped out her tommy gun & robbed them at gunpoint. "No... not my wig too! Hey!"
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5Sunstreaker was all anger:"I had the right of way, bud!" he yelled at me, hands on hips. I wasn't buying: "Just give me your car insurance info." "What car? Do you see a car here?"