Finished Folds (221—240)
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2Dear Amazon: I am returning your dictation software. Please refund my money. I am returning it because everything I say is transcribed into Arabic. I asked for an Urdu transcriber
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6him and the other transvestites in the lineup. “The hills are alive with the--,” Detective Manatee cut him to the quick. “Okay, Mr. Lonely Goatherd, move to the end of the line!”
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3There ain’t no cause to announce your bowel misadventures loud enough for the Dorsey twins to hear. You ain’t never getting laid if you keep dropping a deuce in your drawers, Son.
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5of Abilene to find cows famous enough to recall. They say the Abilene cows were faster than a black-tailed jackrabbit; of course, they were drunker than a skunk when they said it.
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3inadequate, at best. Charon would do anything for the pee-stained cotton-candy-haired clown with his porcelain-faced Slovenian hooker; their best quid pro quo was a MAGA hat?
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2tamales and Vaseline!” But Ircoosha, also nude, didn’t move. “Mom!” I hollered, “Ircoosha and I are Freedomites. We protest in the nude.” Mom, in her loving way, smiled and fainted
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2am…a cockroach. “Kafka,” I sighed. It was clear to me now: The Metamorphose part zwei. I would continue to eat until, ultimately, I turned into larva Mothra moth, ready to grow.
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2With experience comes wisdom. After digging graves for 45 years, George decided to train a replacement. He placed an ad in the local paper: Wanted, gravedigger; nobody called.
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3thumbs. She had been born with 2 each of index fingers, ring fingers, and pinkies on one hand, and 4 middle fingers on the other. Dr. Bird did a surgery to normalize her hands.
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3went back to his first love, Set Design. Lary did well building sets for TV shows like, McKeever and The Colonel, and movies, Frankenhooker and The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini.
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3my ticket to Hollywood, and an Oscar win; I didn’t want to prematurely ejaculate myself to fame, but… The Space Angels weren’t going to be easy to find, and time was running out.
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12container of macaroni salad on Salazar’s infected bedsores; Salazar, roused from a fevered sleep, hurled expletives at her, snatched a shotgun from under the mattress and shot.
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3“Aren’t you satisfied with 6 wives? She tested, and he reacted, “There are 7 days in a week. And, 7 is a lucky number.” They wed at St. Ives; she received a sack filled with 7 cats
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4string-puppet, my arms, and legs flapping about; I reddened with humiliation, people started giggling. “Unhand me!” I shouted to the beanstalk; the vegetative think ray let me go.
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2used for ID purposes; if your blood alcohol level is below 0.08%, you won’t be admitted to the class. Algebra for the Inebriated is taught by Elwood “Skunk” Baxter, Drunk Emeritus.
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5in my irritable bowels, I suppress a cyclone of arrogance & condescension that would traumatize even the more tolerant people in the office. After today, the asshole ME takes over.
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3and all hell broke loose, strawberry sauce streams; chocolate fudge lagoons. Cowboy Cletus by-passed the pineapple chunks & whipped cream. Then he ate the Banana Split Bunch raw.
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2are Robin Robbin’s Robins because they used to live with Robinson Robinson, at which time they were called Robinson Robinson’s Robins. Robin Robbins took Robinson Robinson’s Robins
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2fondle myself while whistling the “Andy Griffith Show” theme song. My brother isn’t coming; Mr. Hitchens is nearby. I call for Bowser; he comes from a smart breed, but he’s a pup.
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3--hold on, wait a second—we’ve already reached the zygote stage without a single mention of the winning swimmer, the one that knocked and was admitted, the stud, Stanley Spermass.