Finished Folds (3581—3600)
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5Col. Sanders sat on a bench in the afterlife, feeling dejected. First he died, then some weirdos were impersonating him on commercials for his own company. What had he done to
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3on Aunt Martha's glasses before entering the house. Sam knew only too well how Aunt Martha felt about dirty shoes on her carpet. He staggered to the bathroom in search of aspirin
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5again the following spring, but this time with the trees windward to protect the plants. The roses grew as tall as Bozo. We called them Bozes and dressed them in amusing costumes.
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5But what if they did? The worse they would get is Purgatory for making a crummy movie. They's probably enjoy Puragtory more than they would living at this point. At least everyone
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6So the hamsters decided to occupy the Horta costume from Star Trek and scuttle around scaring people into doing their bidding. This 'Hamster Horta' smelled awful and left a trail
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3secretly wants to overthrow King Vitaman and replace him with Cap'n Crunch. Yes friends, Dan Brown is a dangerous lunatic and needs to be placed in Frankenberry's dungeon where he
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3bachelor man-cave love-trap trailer, which I have hitched out back in case I see anyone in need of seduction. The guys under my dash dash in and out of the drive-in snack bars
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4That's right, we were rare "in tandem" Siamese Twins and shared a left arm. Wherever I went, my twin was in front of me, bit sometimes that worked in my favor, like in pie fights.
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2"It's your birthday, Carmelo!" said Roz the receptionist, lifting a bergamot flavored cake out from behind the desk. Carmelo was so surprised he nearly spat out some tar.
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3He needed a drink. "Gimmee a narcissist with a twist, boy," he barked at Chaz the bartender. Chaz gave him a twist all right. "Does this drink taste funny to you?" he asked Chaz.
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3tore his sparse hair out in tufts and Hannibal Lector boiled it up as spaghetti and served it with a sauce made of Moe's toes and fried Curly tenders. Jason's mask melted when
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2"Play 'Heartbreak Hotel'," one ghost suggested. So I did my best Elvis impersonation and the ghosts danced and attempted to clap even though each hand went right through the other.
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4moving him to southern California, but Xing Xing became infuriated again when pumpkins began to appear on doorsteps, even thought the roses were still in bloom. His psychiatrist
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4Or was Bernie just so simple minded that he couldn't piece together his dreadful actions with the consequences? Like a dog who has pooped on the rug, he needed someone to rub his
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2-atch for it, but the subsequent x-rays of Sasquatch's stomach contents proved otherwise. Sure, the Lindberg baby was in there, fully grown, but that wasn't the point, was it?
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2Throwing the curtain aside I addressed the Polar Vortex coquettishly: "Would you happen to have any Dead Monk's Hard Headlice Cider behind your back for me?" Sheepishly he produced
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2"Could this mean that I am incapable of making a mistake?" thought Jack, as he tripped over his beard and fell into a soup tureen. "Nope," said God, "You're quite mistaken."
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4with names like Ginsberg and Keroac, but only frogs could understand these strange children because they spoke only in croaks. They wore cloaks and tried to solve crimes, but
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4physical and mental wreck and survived only on what liquid and vitamins absinthe provided. He lay in a puddle of waste, thinking he was writing great things, but really he was only
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2-ing back to the dawn of language. I remember it well. Ogg pointed to a rock that had just hit him in the head and said "Ow". After that, all rocks were "Ow". Even today we