Finished Folds (21—40)
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2glasses. "Oh Lord Darlington, who *will* you sympathize with next?" I chuckled as I turned the page. And as I settled in, I wanted to go on a road trip with Kazuo Ishiguro.
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1everyone survived, as the nasty-nosed plane was intercepted by trash-pickers for scrap the minute it landed. "Where are we?" Nona asked. The pickers merely said "S'not my problem."
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5"Wait," I thought, "Throwing up is the key to blowing up my car!" Recalling my cousin's lesson in car repair, I puked acid right where the fuel line should be, under the passenger
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5, and put her doomed marriage to rest. "Why I wedded a tree-man is beyond me," she thought as she reached for the axe. "Welp, only one thing to do when the fire goes out!" She swun
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4"Where's the conflict?" Asked my date. "What?" I replied, waking from my college daydream. "Dude, every good relationship has conflict," she said, and hurled a full glass of wine
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4would press charges for disrespectful, casual usage of a celebrity for orgasms. Turns out they did. "What's it gonna take," thought Tim Orton, "The Pope's blessing?" He dialed up
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7, leaving me shocked. "That could have been me," I thought as I watched the massive fork drag a slice of meat high up to a ravenous-looking mouth. I rolled off the plate, bouncing
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6didn't work at all! "What are they... PLAYING at?" I muttered, watching the band perform. "Are they SET on something? STRINGING us along? DRUMS?" My date wasn't impressed by my
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7was filled with tequila. "So, what now?" Everyone asked. "Now I got tequila IN MY EARS!" J. Blair shouted. "WOOO! I'M EAR DRUNK!" "You still have to pay for that," said the man at
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3balsamic Buddha cryptically addressed a gathering of condiments in Aisle 6. "Peas," said a cabbage to a nearby can of legumes. "Can you just leaf me alone?" The talkative grocery
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3"I have nary but TRIFLES," I wailed, flinging open the door. The police were there, dressed as Iron Man and a nun; they had cuffs. "Take my sweets; I regret nothing," I intoned.
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4"Now, a ring that lets you turn people into lizards - THAT's interesting," she thought, as she clicked "Buy Now" on the eBay listing. Two weeks later, the lizard ring arrived in a
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2The only cooper around on short notice was Anderson Cooper. "I haven't made a barrel since So You Think You Can Make Barrels!" He said. He gave her a spare; her fantasy came true.
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9-ther. "Autoclave love baby," said the Autoclave, cradling the newborn in its huge arms. "Autoclave name baby... Baby. Happy Baby." Happy, ironically, went on to a life of purpose.
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6This is the problem with out-of-body experiences. I flew past the moving car and saw myself at the wheel. Great. I tried to send my wife a telepathic message during her yoga class.
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7"Dot dash dot dot dash dot dot." "Professor Edamski, what does it mean?" "The Morsians are just being assholes," He said, "The .-..-.-..- message just says that - Dot, Dash, Dot -
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4cried. "Would you believe... Half-human?" Det. Manatee burst from the swinging kitchen doors in full chef's uniform. "Surprise!" He shouted to the reception. "I cater weddings!"
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2men's rights activists. Which is difficult, because they tend to suspect everything. "I would feel bad about this," said Mabel Syrup in her striking haircut. "But I really don't."
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5. But my high school nemesis, Donna Gluckstein, beat me to it! Her face was all over the news as the girl who threw herself under a cartoon teacup, crushing her to death. "Damn," I
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4the most of the funeral. "Clown burials are way underrated," I thought. "Gaseous to gaseous, butts to butts," said the officient, as the coffin lowered onto a whoopie cushion.