Finished Folds (1681—1700)
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3neighbor's gluten protest. When a slice busted a hole through a "Bootin' Gluten" sign, causing it to read "Bootin' Glute," the protest took on a more physical tone. Dixby kicked
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4paparazzi." "You're right," I conceded. "I'll get them jobs at TMZ." On the zombies' first night, they attacked Ke$ha outside a nightclub, only to discover she had no brains. But
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5To test this hypothesis, Dave opened up a Chaz E. Cheese's right next to a Chuck E. Cheese's. Which would the kids prefer? Chaz, as it turns out. Apparently "z"'s are badass and
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3on in horror as the toxic smoke rotted the Love Train into oblivion. Folks at the cafe joined hands in vain. I cackled maniacally and proclaimed, "Without love, nothing can stop my
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6pickled pepper, or his rectal thermometer. Martin (aka CunningLinguist) had reached cult status on Urban Dictionary. He went back to add his latest ideas: "Whore d'oeuvres (noun):
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7play Family Feud. Richard repeated, "Name an idiom you hear every day." Against the clock, he blurted out, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." DingDingDing! Balloons and confe
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3Fuzzy Wuzzy pulled up beside him. "What're you growling about, Smokey?" The bear in question flicked a cigarette into Fuzzy's car, setting fire to the pleather interior. Fuzzy swe
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5me. That's when I saw the toast flicker. "Is the world I know just an elaborate hoax?" I asked her as the table glitched and the "buttered toast" fell to the floor. The whole house
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2ecause I thought my neck hairs were Pompeiian villagers. I even quit smoking so they wouldn't mistake the puffs for volcanic ash. But I didn't shower much, so their crops
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6Mom was a hyperhidrotic mermaid, and dad was the Gorton's fisherman. Daliah was always made fun of for her scales and rubbery yellow skin, but she was born for the high seas. When
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5-alayan tribes, bartering his sister for toilet paper. Dad returned to the can and said, "Only the best for my new favorite child," and tossed him a roll of 2-Ply. His memories
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5mule Stockchaser to tidy up with. "I've never operated a stick shift before," I said as I britchlessly plowed through the front porch. Momma spat up her scrapple and yelled, "
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3The DJ slipped on the sweat and hit his head. While the music was free of desultory scratchings, the clubbers provided their own remix: They dressed themselves and turned down the
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7The ref blew his whistle and flamboyantly presented me with a yellow card. Who knew that onion-inspired halitosis was a punishable offense? Disillusioned, I removed my cleats and
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6a braiding together of their bean ticklers. Even Gillette Fusion failed to cause braid fission! So the endothermic soul (patch) merge fueled their follicles until the men resembled
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2counted sheep to fall into a deep slumber, just as she'd been trained. Ana was the pharaoh's most loyal wench. "Where's the sun chamber?!" the thief asked in vain. The other slaves
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7Signal will summon our beloved aqua-sleuth. BlastedHeath will tell tales of ruminative exploration on Mars. 49erFaithful will dissect the west coast offense. Will the real SlimWhit
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0-embowled, no butts about it. Tammy took care of business through a reed in her neck. Fearing for his white satin sheets, Ted crawled into bed and asked, "Have you eaten recently?"
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4the kids were breaking out of their restraints. "Of all the cars to hijack at the grocery store, I picked the one with a pre-K peanut gallery!" My ankle bracelet lit up as I turned
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6the colors and discovered that bold orange was teal's direct complement. "The antidote!" He drank a tall glass of Simply Orange with breakfast the next morning and felt all better.