Finished Folds (2201—2220)
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6are not, as a rule, mysterious. So Alistair Ruff had to research his novels by befriending a cat called La Divina. She was elusive & enigmatic. So Alistair chased her up a tree
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3is that my toes are mice and my fluffy friends. Melissa Gates hates rodents so I blagged that the money was for a new bakelite elbow. "Why are your shoes squeaking so much?" she
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5He was taken from his cell to the visitors room. The Kraken was waiting. "I am accredited by the Law Society, Cephalopod Division. You're accused of blasphemy, Pauly Shore, vile
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5So the witch doctors thought out of the box & sent woodpeckers to peck through my helmet & skull. My brain vibrated & mushed up & I fell into the pit. The witch doctors high fived
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3you to remove the fairy lights, Tibetan prayer flags, windmills, wind chimes and evil eyes nailed to MY fence & tree. Your clutter is interfering with my chi flows and causes head
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1stunt gourmet. The colouring of the nacho cheese she ate nicotine stained her fingers and teeth. Portia's glowing teeth mesmerised me & I missed my mouth and put a chip in my ear.
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2edge of bed into the dirty linen basket. Carey emerged like a swamp monster covered in dirty underwear. Their marriage counsellor, via video link, interrupted: "I can see where you
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4thon raised an nth number of rupees for the Scorched Earth Gardening Project. Brunhilda & Cookie bought trowels, flame throwers, slug pellets & tickets to petropoly, Azerbaijan. It
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5?" The shot ploughed a trail through his gorgeous whiskers, & spun the cigarette from his mouth. Det. Manatee squeaked in anger & leapt into the audience in the stalls. The fleeing
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5Curry Crawl on a rainy day in Ipswich. I am, in fact, a Slovakian 'import-exporter' on the terrace of my rented villa on the Costa del Crime. You may call me Marek. It's the vodka
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3ankle. Mr O'Ladle had passed out again. He couldn't cope with the classroom's aura of BO & Poison perfume either. Jo tapped her heels 3 times & a dust devil stuck its foot through
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3for miles and miles. I can see for miles and miles. I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles. Oh yeah!
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3read 'Lesbian Biscuit-Eating Owls are from Mars. Other Lesbian Biscuit-Eating Owls are from Venus'. She couldn't decide if she was Martian or Venusian, & got even sadder.
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4," she squooshed up on the operating table to let him on & a passing porter cut open the surgeon's knee. They held hands & giggled. "Oi, you two. Matching scars is so 2006." It was
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5ble for weddings & barmitzvas with her one woman monologue. Esther was OK most days, but if someone mentioned dentists, lawyers, dog grooming, decorating, gay friends or Dennis
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7or if they slipped & became part of the road. Asphalted into oblivion. When I married an heiress, Asphalted Into Oblivion was the title of my autobiography. Petulla loved my rough
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6then over a lifetime they'd save enough money to buy a week's all-inclusive holiday in a Spanish hotel. Ron's Dad booked us on the coach to Benidorm. Oh God. I can't take sunburn &
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5Richard Simmons as usual. But... of course he had his jet ski. "Oh please save us on your jet ski," they all begged. But Richard was still sulking. Shall we try Gene Simmons again?
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2. How rude. I'll answer your question about Hermaphrodite Ted. His female genitals are in the regular place. His male genitalia are under a flap on top of his head. When he gets a
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15anthrax. 22) Punch someone. 23) Set fire to my neighbour's car. 24) Run naked down the Unter den Linden shouting: I'm a banana. 25) Tickle Robert Mugabe 26) Put an squid on my head