Finished Folds (2581—2600)
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4so a shrink came to the apt. "They're just being friendly!" I said as the Keythong cubs shredded her tights. Squawkers sat on her shoulder morosely. "My chimaeraphobia is ruining
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4kept holding these fondue parties and there's only so much cheese I can take. AND it's chocolate fondue for pudding - the digestive equivalent of the First Battle of the Somme
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2I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
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5mwah ha ha ha ha." I can churn out this 5-7-5 poetry until I'm physically restrained, I thought feverishly. "It's got no eyeballs/Let's steal its salami roll/
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3let us off with a caution and went on their way. So we ate guacamole on toast as no one could see the point in going to the shops. We watched the rain fall, pointlessly.
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2, and reached a small stage. Lady Gaga belted out 'Bad Romance' while I tap danced expressively. "How difficult is it to look 'revenge' up on babelfish?" a heckler yelled
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4it was stylish yet comfortable. To make the jumpsuit he rolled himself in an oilskin tablecloth (grapes pattern), glued himself to it and stuck doilies and glitter all over. He cou
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5..." God intervened at that point with a thunderbolt and that was the end of him. God up on his throne was ticked off. This so wasn't how things were supposed to turn out on Earth
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4the okra was an enormous desire for curry. And a side effect of going to curry houses is Cobra Lager and smashing poppadums in faces for a 'bubble'. But he was more sane, fatter
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6read pointed north. Det. Manatee snuffled in triumph. Only a psychopath with a love of Scarlatti would think of that! He packed his harpsichord and set off to the North Pole confid
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4the human's abnormally handsome foot in some mustard and bit it off. Mmmmmm. Renee Hekate unwrapped him and took a look. He was too good to eat up all at once. She'd save him for
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6your friends by making Handsyman's Pesto with fondled basil. If you are too busy, our Food Fondling service will pre-caress ingredients, massage your pine nuts and whisk oil to cal
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4"Your famiy is DYSFUNCTIONAL!" It was my American sister in law on the phone again. I felt sorry for her. There is a subtle difference in being dysfunctional and being English. She
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3immense. I blushed to think of the thoughts my car had read when I drove round Hyde Park Corner in rush hour. It didn't need an oil change at all, it needed me to rethink my stinki
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5Now, I don't want you getting the idea that I had a problem with this particular doctor. It's a stressful job and putting vodka on their cornflakes is a coping mechanism many medic
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3bacon on the table. Gravel was Mom's life, and death too. We built a gravel shrine with York stone chips, sea shingle and blue slate added for aesthetic effect. A gravel mosaic of
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5There's a special vitamin, vitamin N, only found in nasal passages. It aids in priming my migratory organ so I can fly South to mate. Springtime is my busiest nose hunting season
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3It was in the 70's. the CIA wanted to subliminally subvert Mao Tse Tung. I wrote anti-communist diatribes on rice which were smuggled into the Imperial Palace kitchens. Egg fried
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4I called the Mono Helpline. "Just lie down and try to stop kissing," the nursed helpfully advised. They told me how I could tie myself up Japanese style to facilitate this. I got
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2But Beanie Babies don't want me, I'm too fat. Rejected, I wandered along South Beach looking at all the dieting people. I sat down and ate a bucket of sand, page 1 of the diet