Finished Folds (2681—2700)
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6Prof Humita kept the 18C politician in his bedroom. She burst in yelling, "I'm flipping that Whig right here, right now." The Prof flung himrself on the pol "He's a Tory! Get off!"
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5the 'Finbar Saunders and his Double Entendres Memorial Cup'. Contenders: pretty much everyone tho' 49 erFaithful squeezes in by a small head. Next prize for the FS March Madness
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11the worst. The gasping goldfish, suffocating snakes, morose monkeys, caterwauling kittens, raving rats, supperating stick insects. They'd all suffered in Nam, God only knew how muc
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8. So, I was alive and soulless. I popped up to my attic to check my portrait. Yes, the wound was already gangrenous in the picture but I was whole, horny and immortal. I heard the
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2saying, "I am the ghost of you yet to come." I fell to my knees. "The baldness, the obesity, the hellish trousers! Tell me how to change the future!" "You must go to Japan. Fish is
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2accolades. He could walk into a house and say "I need bells, I need foo dogs, I need loadsa red. I don't need black, or the children, the dog or the husband." Hendrick's Feng Shui
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4the tail and I'm fed up of living in this menagerie. I just shovel sh*t all day." I sat down and sniffed in a frankly self-pitying way. "You don't like the macaques?" "NO!," I expo
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6I looked on the periodic table. Pie (Pi) was a new element, 50b, between tin and antimony. The steak and kidney pie on my plate had been forged in the heart of a dying star
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5. I yearned for the days back in communist Czechoslovakia, when choice was unheard of. Choice was bourgeois crap. Beer was subsidised and we were drunk a
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7I was the best monk at illuminations around the edges of the folds. Once a drollery of Det Manatee made the wizard laugh so much he unchained me and let me look out the window
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5tongs and give me your testicles. Cunningly, I handed over Ikea meatballs instead. The Seraph looked puzzled, "Three?" it said. Oops. "Alright, you may enter the apartment of heave
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4an unripe fruit salad I was making. I chopped green bananas, sour cherries and bitter apples. I put a bowl on my boss's desk. She was always on a diet so would eat it all up.
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5Beautiful ermine emerged from the black vans and picked the pockets of everyone plugged into the disco grid. Sam scooted along the wall and into a van. Polystyrene beans and cherry
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7promised her the world! "Stick my zimmer frame in the back and drive me to my love the Prince of Kano!" But Enda's Yoruba was sketchy and the taxi driver thought she said
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3he told her it was part of the job description. "Your husband has knocked me up" she informed Mrs Petersen."Why him? He's so ugly!" "It seemed like a good idea
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3"Did his Uncle kill his Father Get Me Out of Here" was a hit. The Prince with 20 potential brides and Uncle ate worms in Burmese jungle while they interrogated Uncle mercilessly
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3"Who has the gall to spurt bile in my court!" Boehner shouted, wiping up green fluid. A lawyer tucked a liver under his wig. "The defendant is in no way a body part trafficker," sh
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2The Cypriot Prime Minister was thinking. He could a) let the country go bankrupt; b) suffer a bizarre Polonium 210 death at the hands of a disgruntled Russian depositor; c) no c
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5I sucked my biro thoughtfully. How the theory of plate tectonics has changed! I then heard a huge farting noise and a new fault line appeared. A cosmic belch and a volcano rose
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3I woke up with a jolt. Mrs Doubtfire was on the TV and the curtains were drawn. Except they weren't my curtains and this wasn't my sofa. Three hounds were sitting on the sofa oppos