Finished Folds (2661—2680)
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6... Loretta and I were walking on the beach when CRAAACK her blue lobster carapace split from waist to forehead. "I must mate," she said and dove into the sea, her pink heels were
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3"Stop crying smoke, you are so embarrassing me!" The kid held the menu in front of his face. "Get me a cheeseburger with nothing added or I'll puke." The cafe was now smoked up and
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1pumpkins and their lustful ways were banned from Zone 9. But he'd also been banned for pumpkin smuggling. It'd bee
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4in the correct tax bracket. He loved me more as my teeth snaggled, my hair greyed and my hip joints seized up. But this didn't stop him from running off with my Mother to Cadiz
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5down and make yourself a cup of tea while I sew myself into the chunky afghan condom. Then I'll draw up our horoscopes and if the planets are correctly aligned then who knows what
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6had been to visit them during her illness that she'd contracted Avian flu as well. They went to bed together and prepared to meet their maker. Then "Squawk, sqwawk," a hen threw
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2rain. The McDonalds had been without a roof since I sold it to pay off 'debts'. I'd got a disciplinary over it but, if it didn't rain, I had the highest flip rate in this McD secto
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1I raged around my garden berating begonias and vowing vengeance on the variegated violas. I lay down on the lawn and observed how the ants plotted to feed me to their massive queen
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3But the insight the Apocalypse gave told me that the canned food was OK even tho' past expiry date. I said to my girlfriend: "Lo shall ye feast on Spam and BBQ baked beans. Verily
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7Superman felt a small twinge of guilt. "Uh, Lois, I just sort of killed some guys today for no reason." Lois lowered the Eccles cake from her lips. "Isn't that unamerican?" "Techni
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5the incident with Trotsky and the ice pick. Lenin17 took a train to Timbuktu to get away from Northern clime forms of murder, but not far enough. The Administrator in a turban was
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6He took the budget option of DIY surgery. He had gas air, a scalpel and a stapler and he did a good job, considering. It still hurts when the wind changes, so he avoids the seaside
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9, on the wrong continent. "Oh Em Gee," I said, "it's not K2, it's Ben Nevis, not a mountain at all." Alfred put his haggis down and swigged his single malt. "It so is Pakistan," he
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7he wanted to see my reaction to extreme pain. "Whaaaaa... uuh.. whaaaa." "I see you have the ideal reactions. Surgery tomorrow," the proctologist snickered. Payment in advance is
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9gots in butter didn't help my lost eyesight, despitewhat the tarot reader said. I had too much gold floating in my veins getting into my optic nerve. I needed my blood panning
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8freaking me out. I called Einstein. "How do I stop thinking in equations?" I asked. "Just discover ze mysteries of ze universe mein leibling." There was a convenient blackboard in
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4it involved an Elephant. Since the surgery we've led much calmer lives. I was painting some grapes when the doorbell rang. It was the elephant holding a bunch of chrysanthemums
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8I drew my faded silk wrap around me, tottered to the bedroom and collapsed in tears onto the grey sheets. I found a half-eaten croissant under the pillow and ate it while looking
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4. He enfolded the trembling toilet in his manly arms. "Harsh bleach and brushes are the past now," the Toilet Whisperer..err..whispered. "Only the softest bottoms wil
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4Lady Marmalada invited him on board. Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark ensured the ship exited Earth's orbit. Major Tom called Earth Control and they travelled 1984 light years to