Finished Folds (581—600)
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6Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, to get the were-wolves under control. His came prepared with night vision goggles, a spray bottle full of wolfsbane and a DVD of The Wolf Man
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4realized he'd forgot to bring his own bags when he got to the cashier. This little piggy's unemployment check hadn't arrived, so he was short the $0.40 bag charge and had to decide
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3and a crewmate immediately flatulated. Another got seasick on the navigational computer screen. This all made me violently claustrophobic.I started clawing at the submarine hatch
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4"Prose is out of touch/And sounds like a bunch of crap/Don't quit your day job". I was offended. Whoever wrote that mean-spirited haiku had corrupted the art form. I responded with
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6He paid Moxie cash to keep his panache and won the election without an objection.Great Grandpapa Razzi, embarrassed by Moxie, cut him out of his will and shipped him off to Brazil.
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2weaving slightly and spilling Everclear from her dented thermos. “Suzie!” Helen yelled, “4 yr. olds who swear at ducks and wear such short dresses become whores and go to hell!"
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5largesse pertaining to carnal knowledge of your person. Bearer guarantees a satisfactory transaction, as his between-the-sheets responsibilities include, but are not limited to
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2wrap one Manolo Blahnik stiletto in silk charmeuse and torch it on the first day of NY Fashion Week. They were 1 day late and tho’ the zipper vanished, he was left with man boobs.
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4Crime scene photos: vintage E ticket with “Fantasyland” x’d out; corpse stuck in door of It’s A Small World clock w/ grass skirt stuffed in mouth; topiary dolphin beheaded, bullet
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2said, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people *like* me!”, dropped my pants, hopped on the copier and xeroxed my behind. The copier jammed and the Kinkos manager
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9and I was dyslexic, anyway. I decided to ask the cow librarian ( http://foldingstory.com/h204i/esh4tg/ ) for help, hoping she wouldn't remember my books were overdue last time.
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5she grabbed her fake ID and went to the corner dive bar. “I want a Screaming Orgasm,” she told the bartender. Just then, Bert, the neighborhood drunk and suspected Peeping Tom
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3It was spring break on the Delta, a perfect opportunity to escape Sacramento. He joined a random group of drunk guys partying on Lost Isle and followed them onto their houseboat
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2ickies.French, and the mall’s “it” Chef, he was quite a ladies’ man.When he fell in the Andouillettes dead of a heart attack,I was suddenly moved from brochette skewer to Head Chef
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6I’d help them fight their parents out in the street to see who’s right and who’s wrong. Candy and Ronnie’s parents were easy to find, Dad being a street preacher and Mom a street
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10he was suddenly called to Iceland. Eyjafjallajokull had erupted again. Von Wolfeshlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff (III) got pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis from inhaling
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5, sat on the bride's side of the church, dirty danced at the reception and left early to slash her Ex's tires (a sign of things to come, but he didn't know and she wasn't telling).
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5forgot to unplug the iron. Right then, Major Dick was sucked into a black hole, a kaleidoscoping mass of energy running in every dimension, and when he emerged on the other side,
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5of cabbage.The Wal-Mart truck driver slashed til dawn.When everyone awoke, they saw freshly severed heads of cabbage in every ditch in town.The town panicked-it was happening again
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5Space aliens were illegal aliens in AZ, so he'd started drinking when nobody would hire him. Now sober but still unemployed, the alien's AA sponsor suggested Edwards Air Force Base