Finished Folds (41—60)

• 1
  still outside where he couldn't get to it, how would he get high? He noticed a bottle of glue, but as we all know, it's no substitute for meth. But still, desperate times call for

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  2011-09-06 04:04:04

• 3
  bet Rodney that he couldn't even beat them in quiz bowl. "That's not fair," he whined, "it's two on one!" "It wouldn't be the first time you were tag teamed by animals," I mused.

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  2011-09-05 20:07:49

• 3
  and tried to convince the lad to go along with it, but the wall they were leaning on was tempting. He tried to resist, but his urges won out. "OHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAH!" The boy's mother

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  2011-09-05 20:02:51

• 4
  "I liked Wheel of Fortune better when it was about puzzles," Vanna said, but Pat wouldn't have any of it. The gritty reboot saw his salary double in three months.

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  2011-09-05 19:56:40

• 4
  He was so frustrated by his mathematical shortcomings that he started shooting every number he saw. Except for sixes, because sixes bought his "protection services".

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  2011-09-05 19:51:53

• 1
  Whoever gets the highest value Job Card invariably wins, and the Job Card you get is determined solely by luck. There's no skill in this game. Up your ass, Milton Bradley!

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  2011-09-05 19:46:58

• 7
  Realizing how weird that sounded, he wondered, is it normal to have a can of Food 4 Less sliced green beans for a girlfriend? Also, why won't she put out?

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  2011-09-05 01:47:38

• 2
  I took her "mad milk" and made it into "mad cheese". Then I slaughtered her into "mad beef" and cooked her into a "mad hamburger", which I ate and then I took a "mad shit". "Mad

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  2011-09-05 01:38:34

• 1
  way I get high, other than meth. Everything was slightly melting and I started to cry and then dozens of myselves started laughing at me and I

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  2011-09-05 01:34:36

• 3
  best decision she would ever make in her life. Of course, since she was drunk, she immediately made an even better decision:

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  2011-09-05 01:31:27

• 1
  so I declared that I'm a neo Nazi, I kick puppies for fun, and I molest children. Not a single person had any objections! What a great day! Of course,

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  2011-09-04 21:14:59

• 1
  he'd never seen Toy Story, and he thought Woody was the name of the bully who blows up dolls, and he was going as Raggedy Andy. Panicking, Mike

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  2011-09-04 21:10:26

• 4
  dehydrated due to oversalination. Ackbar realized something was off, since moons don't typically have salt at all. "This's no moon, it's..." "Can't let you do that, Ackbar."

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  2011-09-04 21:05:36

• 4
  that an authentic Valhalla Boxer would be too busy Valhalla Boxing to know about the tuna cars or the fezzed vomiters. He accused me of lying, so I

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  2011-09-04 21:01:19

• 4
  marlin swam by, stating that she was actually a duck. "I can't be a duck," she exclaimed, "ducks can't breathe!" "That's right" he replied. She tried to argue, but drowned instead.

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  2011-09-04 20:56:17

• 2
  "Why the fuck am I reading My Chemical Romance lyrics?" I asked myself. "Only pussies listen to MCR. I'm not a pussy." I told myself. I scrolled down to the next stanza.

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  2011-09-04 17:09:32

• 1
  done absolutely nothing different from his previous job as a bouncer for a bar in Tijuana. Nobody noticed the difference, not even Obama when they met at

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  2011-09-04 17:01:10

• 5
  did a little jig that soon exploded into a complete tap dance. The witch was so mesmerized that she didn't see the approaching horizon. As Frodo watched the witch melt, he

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  2011-09-04 16:57:10

• 4
  did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you

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  2011-09-04 16:53:14

• 2
  Joke's on them though, the money I saved would be more than enough to get the curse lifted. All I had to do was get myself to a professional curse lifter, which was hard since the

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  2011-09-04 16:51:29