"Amanda Widdershins, you are free to go." Hah, she thought, on a white plastic chair with metal legs. What friends did she have in this city of concrete and asphalt and glass? Not

"To one half-cup whiskey add three drams elderberry tincture. Stir widdershins by the light of a harvest moon. Pour over glacial snow in a cup carved by no man's hand."

I'm not entirely sure how it had started, but I'd begun inadvertently living out the lyrics to the songs of They Might Be Giants. I like them, but things became pear-shaped when I

"Wow, what's THIS?" The taste tester's eyes lit up as he took another bite. Product developers at McDonald's knew they had a hit on their hands when they created the Tripe Burger.

The coffee cup waited. Jan poured caffeinated rag water into it. It was the cup with Winnie the Pooh on it. Given to me by the Mexican cleaning lady. A lady I imagined naked but

I thought to myself, "What if I was to

A ‘V’ of storks flew into Saint Petersburg Maternity Ward to steal babies again. Babies were Russia’s #1 export, so their economy was crumbling. Storks slew roubles, as well as

"Remember, there is always something that is quicker that you are." Merlin continued like that for a bit before he realized that Arthur had ditched him long ago. He stopped and

The Creator of the Cosmos said "Behold!" and after quite a long while of incremental development there eventually arose some bickering here and there, and contretemps besides. This

There once was a man from Nantucket

Victor could not get a date. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had a single eyebrow encircling his entire face.

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I shot every round I had into that thing.

Even after being away for so long, I knew how everything worked. Well, mostly. I was more surprised they'd replaced my control panel with one big red button. I pressed it, and then

CSI: Omaha. The show were we see intrepid scientists wheel about in their office chairs and play Canasta. The lead investigator stares out the window and waits and waits...

When the luster of shimmering flowers is answered by the roar of the sea from afar, the night crosses in stillness and without a sound.

Since High School, we have been playing one game of tag for fifteen years,

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I'm too sexy for my fold. too sexy for my fold. Yes, I'm too sexy for my fold.

The Civil-verse was plagued with associated tourists. They self ported through the Master Press like worms in a carcass. My job was to give them a reason to go home.