"One English muffin,coming right up!" the waitress jotted it down."Now what do you want on it? Jelly,Jam, Marmalade,Honey,Sorgum,Syrup,Vegamite,Nutella,Butter,Oleo, or Margarine?"

When i was young I would often deface billboard hoardings by painting nude pictures over the female bodies. They called me the quick change artist. I think they knew who it was but

The card read "I am a mother-pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I am the pleasantest mother pheasant plucker that ever plucked a mother pheasant " This tongue twister slam

The white sun pierced my eyes. I fisted the dirt. My jungle was a key lime green. I could smell the blue of the sky and hear the water slapping the shore. Today I had to

"Tall chai green tea soy latte?" Shouted the barrista. The fist grabbed the cup. It exploded into a fine mist, all over everyone. Clark Kent dropped the crumpled cup. "Sorry."

I attached the blood flow sensors to his genitals & then asked him to sit, blindfolded, in a chair. "You are going to experience a wide variety of scents," I told him. "Just relax

Jody couldn't believe it himself. "Primer" was fiction, but this was fact. In the summer of 2013, in a garage in Arlington, Texas, he had invented the warp drive. The Secessionists

THE MAKING OF FOLDINGSTORY: THE MUSICAL. The singing evil helicoptor scene at the penultimate climax of Act II cost over seven billion dollars to film. They could've done $700, but

In a faraway land, it is believed that a man who takes a thousand lives becomes a terrifying demon, cursed to wander the earth for all eternity. The swordsman who wandered into the

I woke up this morning feeling really happy. Maybe too happy. I reached for my copy of M Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being". After reading just one chapter, the misery

I give up. After many a long debates, you win. Despite how upsetting it may be, I will now call Animal Crackers, Animal Cookies.

Pork & beans are funnier than baked beans because they have pork in them. Pork is funny. Pork buns are funny. Bok choy isn't messy enough. Finger sandwiches, eh. Pies - very funny.

She was afraid to ask for a new set of utensils and just couldn't stand it anymore, so she got up and hid in the bathroom.

It lay dormant in the root cellar for years, curled fetus-like into a ball and buried under old comics and cobwebs. Years later it woke, its metamorphosis complete, the stubby

"Operator, this is Augusta Dumont. Patch me through to Inspector Danvers. What's that? Don't be sorry, just do it. What do you mean he's -- he's what? How? When?" Augusta collapsed

Adolf stood mesmerized by the image in his mirror. He could never

"Oh your gonna miss me, baby. And I'll be so far away"

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.

When my wife & I moved to the SciFi town we weren't surprised to see everyone dressed as though they at Comic-Con. We were surprised half the town spoke Klingon & half spoke Na'vi

"I'll have the large dzik," Jane said, looking up from the menu. "With extra sour cream."