He yanked the kid by the collar. He let black smoke billow from his tear ducts, "Do I look like I'm kidding?" Two Old Blue Hairs at the next table were staring at them.

"I see your point and raise you a counterpoint: you are a massive doo-doo head." Debate Club had gone to the dogs. I quietly padded my résumé in the corner, sipping a soda.

The machine falls on them, because they aggressively shake it to get their snack to fall.

One day I woke up in a whole new world. In this new world cars could fly or drive themselves, flappy bird became the most popular game ever played, and everyone lived in a mansion.

The drum up coffin business Zev decided to sell a calender with young women dressed up as zombies possing with his coffins, so he put an ad in the paper, but when no models

I guess I'm cranky because of my melting popsicle syndrome and the fact that it has rained every day and night for the past two freaking weeks! No wonder why my Anaconda is asleep!

One brisk spring morning at a Parisian trottoir as he sipped his coffee and read the paper, The Kraken was accosted by a musician on a bicycle. "How dare you despise the Kaiju! How

Frank and Mary Johnson felt shut down, moving through dark water after the school massacre, but when the reporters showed up, they loaded their shotguns on principle, and not one r

Uncle Bernie knew he didn't have the noggin for a Noble, but figured he could snag an Ig-Noble prize. He showed chicken plucking could be used to measure tornado winds speeds,

This is the story of a girl named Ace / Who rescued her parents from outer space. / She flew on a broom to the top of the moon / and left a breadcrumb there, just in case.

When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of political manipulation are sown.

Senator Jones didn't really care about the issues. Just gathering enough votes. But an angel shot him and he went mad with love at a fundraiser full of well-groomed sociopaths be

fsdfdzghghfbg mjj,k

if you lay 30 short children end to end they are the same length as a middling size whale. It's also the length of 3 London buses. If you want me to tell you anything else about

"Look into the mirror and tell me what you see." He said. "I see a cow.." I told him. "Exactly" he said. "Wait, that's not a mirror, it's a

A bores head in the confectionery. News at twelve. Sally looked up from her ironing at the TV. The severed head lay on a Schwarzwald Tort. It was a moment she never forgot

This eloquent darkness. It is gong. In a glade with my peasant shirt stained with another man's blood. Clapping the dirt from my hands, I jumped back onto the wagon to lie on bags

In a well loved old farmhouse at the edge of a field, lived a sweet old man who made his living on pension cheques and preserves he made on the farm. This man had a special tallent

Thump. Swish! Crash. Bang! What is going on up there?

The titular star of 30-years of Wacky Newt videogames stood in mutual odd quiet with his longtime nemesis Stew Shark for the first time outside of work. Mutual romance flourished.