I decided to actively research my hypothesis

I decided to actively research my hypothesis that intelligence could be drastically increased by culling weak brain cells. I felt smarter already. I opened

skull, used a mellon-baller to take out my useless neurons, added some Miracle Grow and Red Bull, and slammed the whole thing shut. Professional brain surgery is for wusses. (Ack)

I gaffer taped the 2 parts of my skull together & caught the bus back from the meat processing plant where I'd carried out the surgery. The bus bumped over a pothole and a piece of

tape ripped off my skull and half my brain fell out and bounced onto the bus seat next to me then into a little old lady's basket on the front of her walker as she was exiting the

door. I, now functioning somewhat slower due to the loss of my brain, couldn't get to the little old lady fast enough. The bus door slammed in my face & I sat back down in my seat.

with its up nose sniffing the air. I watched a puffy cloud in the sky change into a shape that looked like a sad face and wondered if it held any special meaning. A loud moan came

from the mouth of the insipid face which had emerged on my abdomen. My love-life, at the age of 38, was over. What woman, in this era, could overlook such a gross deformity? Maybe

you're thinking "What's the problem? Just have the head surgically removed." but the second head emerging from my bellybutton was no dummy. It gave solid investment advice & made

me a freakin' fortune! I had to keep it. The only problem was when I was with a woman and it reared up, presumably to join the conversation. I ended up rich, but very very lonely.