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The ship in a bottle was found in the hold

  • The ship in a bottle was found in the hold of a three master submerged near the rocky coast off Valparaiso. Curiously the bottle was filled with an unknown spirit. Morton uncorked

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  • the bottle of unknown spirit and thought of his wife Matilda. She was a bawdy woman but Morton loved her so. She was far away now he was stranded off Valparaiso

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  • thinking of all the things that could have been like that one time when he and Matilda waltzed like two overstuffed walruses on a block of ice oh wait a minute that was

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  • (snort, snort) SO funny...when THAT happened. He got lost in that memory for only a moment then slapped himself on the forehead, grinning. It was long enough for Matilda to decided

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  • that dating a pig was her worst life decision. "Hey Matilda, deary, (snort, snort), I think you'd look good wrapped in bacon. MY bacon." Ugh, again with the bacon jokes. His slaps

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  • bacon jokes on anything and thinks that's comedy. That's why I hate Paul Resier. But, he had the last laugh because

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  • he went home with a supermodel in a Maserati and I was left drinking Hamm's in a Honda. At least I was refreshed. I kicked; that; dirt off my shoulder; and started writing lyrics.

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  • "I'm Miss 305, butter pecan thighs, pretty brown eyes in a 745." No, no, I thought. I'm not a female. I was drunk. Off Hamm's. I needed to go home. I slowly started the engine, and

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  • peeled out into the on-coming traffic. Stroking my silky thighs helped with the stress of driving on the wrong side of the road. I blame manga for what happened next.

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  • My ride like a mecha, my hand inched tantalizingly along my thighs. Bosoms, mine, heaved. My lungs expired gasp after gasp. Musk-bound, I was consumed by an obliterating light.

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