The ship in a bottle was found in the hold

The ship in a bottle was found in the hold of a three master submerged near the rocky coast off Valparaiso. Curiously the bottle was filled with an unknown spirit. Morton uncorked

the bottle of unknown spirit and thought of his wife Matilda. She was a bawdy woman but Morton loved her so. She was far away now he was stranded off Valparaiso

thinking of all the things that could have been like that one time when he and Matilda waltzed like two overstuffed walruses on a block of ice oh wait a minute that was

(snort, snort) SO funny...when THAT happened. He got lost in that memory for only a moment then slapped himself on the forehead, grinning. It was long enough for Matilda to decided

that dating a pig was her worst life decision. "Hey Matilda, deary, (snort, snort), I think you'd look good wrapped in bacon. MY bacon." Ugh, again with the bacon jokes. His slaps

bacon jokes on anything and thinks that's comedy. That's why I hate Paul Resier. But, he had the last laugh because

he went home with a supermodel in a Maserati and I was left drinking Hamm's in a Honda. At least I was refreshed. I kicked; that; dirt off my shoulder; and started writing lyrics.

"I'm Miss 305, butter pecan thighs, pretty brown eyes in a 745." No, no, I thought. I'm not a female. I was drunk. Off Hamm's. I needed to go home. I slowly started the engine, and

peeled out into the on-coming traffic. Stroking my silky thighs helped with the stress of driving on the wrong side of the road. I blame manga for what happened next.