With the razor wire, moats, guard dogs, and

With the razor wire, moats, guard dogs, and search lights, I would finally rule the Separatist Kingdom of my home. Now for the postage stamps...

I put on a tin foil tiara, took a selfie in the bathroom mirror & printed out several thousand on sticky paper. Now for my Separatist Kingdom currency. I sprayed dried banana slice

s with godiva chocolate after covering them with a stensil showing my lovely profile. But my Separatist Kingdom needs an economy. I'll trained my 12 monkey's to pay for their food

stamps. I took the 12 Monkeys to watch "Twelve Monkeys."

We also saw 2 Fast 2 Furious, 16 Candles, 8 Mile, 10 Things I Hate About You & The 3 Amigos. After that, the 12 Monkeys and I were hungry, so we took my Fiat 2000 to Five Guys

where the 12 monkeys cried 96 tears because I could only afford 6 quarter pounders (car payments, y'know) which they had to share. The monkeys then demanded 31 flavors of ice cream

, smothered, covered, scattered, & chunked, & 6 7Ups and 6 Coke Zeros, the greedy little bastards. After dinner, the 12 monkeys decided they wanted to jump on the bed & sing

But I forbade it. I gathered the 12 monkeys up and stuffed them back in the oak barrel where they belong. Then I rushed into the living room and turned on the tv for my favorite

sitcom.The show's canned laughter & my own guffaws contrasted weirdly with the frantic wheezings of my expiring pet monkeys, fighting for each breath in their oak barrel prison.But