She leant her forehead against his shoulder

She leant her forehead against his shoulder then wiped her tear stained face across his shirt. "I don't want this divorce." "We can't have everything we want, we both know that."

"I know that," her husband said. "But don't you think your lack of a vagina might be a problem in our relationship? You should have talked to me before having that operation."

And that's when she really blew her lid. "You shitsipping sonofabitch! I told you about the operation three times! You just grunted." "Oh, huh. Wow. Was it during the playoffs?"

So, she tattooed reminders for me on Colin Kaepernick's arm. While watching the NFC Championship, I noticed fresh ink: "Milk, eggs, operation. XOXO." I took a big sip of Natty and

yawned, football. I did all the things someone who is a fan of football is supposed to do. I did this to keep people from thinking there was something wrong with me or my marriage.

I ran up and down the middle of the street, throwing high passes to myself, sometimes catching them, silently chanting "My marriage is not on the rocks." I didn't see the BMW until

about three seconds before it happened, which somehow was enough time for the past year and a half to play back in my mind, emphasizing every mistake I made, before I began flying

through the air. I suddenly felt completely free, unburdened by my past sins, leaving all memories & concerns behind. I spread my arms, closed my eyes, & soared to the top of

the first circle of hell. I'd escaped Cerberus' carnivorous clutches and run from a lustful beast in a swirling dust storm. Now I conversed with other virtuous pagans in limbo and