I was a latchkey kid. We moved a lot, too.

I was a latchkey kid. We moved a lot, too. I never got a handle on settling down to a future that would inevitably change. One day on the way home, two roads. I took the shortcut.

Or so I thought. After some time I doubted my choice. It was not much trodden this 'shortcut'. My hurry & unfamiliarity made me unsure of the way back. I saw a blockmother house

and knocked. An unnervingly large toddler holding a Pabst wearing only a diaper and bib opened the door."Is your mother here?I'm lost." I said.Was he the source of the foul odor or

was I? Neither of us was clean, that was painfully obvious. He said "Nope. Want one?" and held up his beer. I did want one, but this was a little odd. I said OK, and he toddled off

into the kitchen.Standing by the fridge,one finger on the handle,he gazed into my eyes and asked the stupidest question ever:"After the beer,after the shower,after the sex...what

-aburger or maybe Carl's Junior?" The question was stupid because I was sloppy and hungry. God love idiots. I chugged the rest of the chocolate syrup and

then blew my breath into my cupped hand to see if I had bad breath & found that yes, I did. My breath smelled of onions, chocolate & tilapia. I was now prepared to execute my plan.

If only I had kept a backup copy of my plan. My computer hard drive died. I had lost the only copy of the construction plans for the Sydney Opera House. I could only hope the build

e new libretto. So we cobbled together some Folding Stories - whacked them through Googletranslate into Italian and voila! 'il matrimonio di detective lamantino' premiers tonight.