Obama walked out of the Bathroom and saw

Obama walked out of the Bathroom and saw Romney bent over, texting, at the top of the stairs. The president realized it would be real easy to just

win the election, but he wanted a challenge. So Obama said to Romney, "Hey, Mitt, you should totally go on the air and say you only care about 53% of the nation." The next day,

the world woke up to a new reality - one where the masks of previous eras had been cast aside. "Vote for me!" cried Romney, "And I'll give everyone free cash!"

Well, that little bit of campaigning did the trick and everyone did vote for Romney. President Romney made good on his promise and dished out the cash. So we went on a shopping

spree at the pet store, since there were now way more jobs than humans alone could fill. I bought a wyvern egg and waited for it to hatch. Hatchless weeks passed. Romney promised

to send me an incubator but his wife had handcuffed him to their bed so I had to sit on the eggs to keep them warm. Romney later sent me a letter to apologise but it was too late

the eggs failed to hatch. I shut myself in my mansion & stopped the clocks. Dust & cobwebs accumulated, eventually covering my life size effigy of Mitt Romney, egg murderer. I plot

-ted the entirety of my life on a wall, representing each memory with an emoticon and using all 128 crayons. Withered to 67 lbs., I fainted one morning; the Mitt Romney effigy

the third time that semester. Of course no one ever notices. I rarely even mention it but it seemed relevant. I hope it doesn't happen again, but I know it will. Such is life.