On the first day of Christmas, my true love

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a robot vacuum from the Sharper Image.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two Tauntaun sleeping bags and a robot vacuum from the Sharper Image.

On the 3rd Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me THREE French Maids, TWO Tauntaun sleeping bags and a robot vaccum from the Sharper Image.

On the 4th Day of Xmas, my true love gave to me FOUR Chippendales, THREE French Maids, TWO sleeping bags & a Roomba a robot vacum cleaner from the Sharper Image.

On the 5th day of Xmas my true love gave to me 5 mac book pros, 4 chippendales, 3 French maids, 2 sleeping bags & a roomba vacuum from the Sharper Image.

Stop telling me what your true love gave your for Christmas. Tell me what your wife got you? Was it one of those double-fisted

I double-fisted him in the mouth and continued: On the 7th day of Christmas my true gave to me, 7 lottery tickets, 6 packs of Camels, 5 fifths of JB, 4 concrete blocks, 3 Slim Jims

, 2 black eyes and a partridge in a pear tree!" I smashed my xylophone into the TV, then threw it throughout the closed window. Glass everywhere. He stared as if he couldn't care

where the shards went, but at the last second he lifted up his arms to shield his face and took two steps back, right onto a sharp sliver. Good thing he was wearing thick heels.