Lady Gaga strode down the red carpet in a

Lady Gaga strode down the red carpet in a dress made entirely of live babies clinging to her pale, nude body. Little did she know.

Madonna had strode down the carpet before her wearing the same dress.Even the babies were identical twins with those in Lady Gaga's dress. The ensuing catfight became a baby brawl

in which Lady Gaga did a lot of "googoogaga-ing." And, eager to make a contribution to this American pop culture excesspool, Kesha went ape-slut in an incident involving apes and

an unlimited supply of Red Bull. In a strange blur of sweat and cash-bar manipulation, Kesha managed to fornicate deeply with a large number of

crimson bovines, to which Kesha could never compare the experience. Only vague terminology sufficed her unending praises. The bulls stampeded the illegitimate China shops, while

Lisa Simpson had a cow. She'd just found out that Kesha and Jessica Simspon were BFFs and that she, Lisa, and Jessica were distantly related. "Bull," said Bart.

Apparently the cops did too, as they examined Lisa's room and took DNA traces of all the various blood splatters in there. "Michael Jordan, Billy Crystal, Kim Kardashian... what th

e funk?!" cried the funky police officer. "That's it, honey, you under arres-."

ted the development of my disco slide. Now move over and get funky with me.