Tonight is an excellent night for murder.

Tonight is an excellent night for murder. It's beautiful outside, crisp with the fall wind adding an edge to the world. And she will love it as I will-for her it will be

a double-edge sword. I will use my sword once across the back as I come from behind, then twice across the front as I exit. Ha -- "x" it. Honey, tonight is a night for murder.

But 'honey' didn't seem to know what I was talking about. Of course, 'Honey' is my stuffed dog, so he had no idea what I was talking about often. He stared at me blankly. "Yeah

I was definitely in need of a good shrink, or at least a stiff drink. What would happen if I visited the all-girls school after midnight? Ms. Baxter would

likely be asleep so I could do my best "Humbert Humbert" impression on the 4th floor. I had bribed the cafeteria women to slip the purple pills into the meatloaf to ease my

bowel movement. I couldn't afford to take a chance that I might be constipated. You see, the whole plan hinged on one critical moment. If I failed to

a terrible headache from the symphony my wife played to me on her banjo and kazoo. I couldn't have waited another minute to

Put me earbuds in, crank my iPod to maximum volume, listening to rave music and think about my college days and that one sweaty weekend I tested the waters on the other side with

the cute blond geeky chick. She was the kind of sweetness you could only find in bacon dark chocolate - something slightly evil covered in deliciousness. It was almost good enough.