First thing I would do if all of America's

First thing I would do if all of America's financial system broke down or defaulted I would...

be to buy the biggest house i could find. buy the fastest car to be had. and buy natures greatest gift, sweat tender lovin. to get the cash i have to

my wife complained it was a waste of our dwindling funds. I was convinced it would develop collector value. When our Mutt Charlie knocked it over,it broke a revealed a hidden stash

of Pogs. Checking eBay proved the collection was worth at least $1M. Now we could afford little Jimmy's operation and pay our mortgage, but first we decided to spend some money

on crack. I'm sure we had the time and money now to take a little crack vacation for a while, little Jimmy didn't need the operation real bad for a couple months at least.

So after we got high on crack, I had to raise money for Lil Jim's operation by playing piano. A heckler shouted, "You play about as well as Team Fortress 2!" The audience "ooh"ed.

Well now, a zinger like that couldn't got unanswered. I puffed myself up and replied, "

Serpentor will not stand for this!" Rubbing my magic serpent bracelet and shouting "Ssskssplzt", I transformed into the shadowy figure of justice known to many on 42nd street and

dispair.I liked becoming 'shadowy figure',it made me feel important.So I'm floating along the street looking for random acts of hooliganism, until it got cloudy.Then I was screwed.