My downward spiral of phlegmy misery continued.Another

My downward spiral of phlegmy misery continued.Another Doctor visit.When he prescribed homeopathic arsenic I cracked."Listen you stethoscope-swinging smock monkey,I need Antibiotic

treatment and I need it now!” I l wrapped my snot-encrusted hands around the quack's neck and squeezed until his eyes bulged out. “Tell me where the antibiotics are or I'll

..,AHHHH-CHOOO!!" With a mucus explosion the old sawbones went flying out the window. I hastly rummaged through the cotton gauze and tounge depressors. No antibiotics anywhere.

Then the cook jammed a leather strap into my mouth, while the men held me down. The Saw Bones returned with a hacksaw. He rolled up my pant leg. "I'm from the future!" I screamed

, "I contain multitudes!" How to explain to Civil War era medics the circumstances that led to my condition and stewardship? The populace within rebeled when the hacksaw hit my leg

and from the garish wound of my partially-amputated leg crawled forth the huddled masses, yearning to breathe free. This would alter the course of Civil War history! What a mess I

end had been created. After I won millions of dollars from clicking the Internet link others also tried the same approach but their links just lead them to scam websites. I felt

compelled to share my winnings with them, but at the same time, I openly admit that I am damn selfish. I transferred all my millions to a Swiss bank account, moved to Grand Cayman

and became hugely fat. I'm carried around on litter by 4 strapping lads. Some bacon nailed to its roof ensures an eagle follows me at all times. Who says money can't buy happiness?