"Hello and thank you for purchasing the Orgreenic

"Hello and thank you for purchasing the Orgreenic Zero Point Energy Stove and Slushee Machine. To get maximum satisfaction from this product, please follow these instructions with

care or your warranty for the stove and slushee machine will be null and void. 1) Do not operate machine unless wearing a purple hat 2) Only use machine during a full moon 3) Keep

these stove/slushee machine instructions in a safe place. So safe that not even you can find them again. 4) If the stove doesn't work, don't worry about it. You shouldn't be eating

little Hans tries to vacuum that cat with it,so do your best to keep those two apart. 8) Take the chili out of the freezer no later than 11 &, finally 10) No pornography while I'm

cooking bacon. 11) Let the dog win tug-o-war. 12) Don't eat the entire gallon of mint chocolate chip. 13) Kiss auntie Gloria on the lips! 15) When I get back open up the

secret compartment where I hide #14. 16) Do #14. 14) Set more reasonable goals, who are you kidding? 15) Jump to #17, you've done this one already 17) Don't eat all the sugar-free

stuff, fake sugar is bad for you. 18) Wash your yoga mat, for pete's sake. 19) Do one thing everyday that scares you. 20) You know you skipped 2 and 11. 21) Don't stand so clos

e to me with your breathing, (yeash.) 22) Take the time to smell the roses and read the tabloids in the grocery lane. (Let 'em wait!) 23) If you lost the lottery,

you'll find it the last place you look (I was a fool). 24) It takes wings on a unicorn to jump a shark (hoo boy). 25) Never count your folds before they finish (the end).